Mascot Madness: Round of 32 (East and South)

One of the great things about March Madness is that there are so many small-name teams that you have never heard of playing on the big stage. What makes this so great is that with 314 possible contestants, we are bound to have a handful of interesting nickname/mascot combinations in the tournament year in and year out.

After all, isn't that what you look forward to the most? Spending Thursday afternoon watching The same old plain-Jane blue-and-white Kentucky Wildcats battle The silver-green-and-red Highlanders of East Western Poly Tech State?

It is common knowledge that we here at BIAH are the leaders in unnecessary college basketball information. Since we have this 64-team bracket in-front of us, we decided to try and determine the best mascot in March Madness.

Each day we will reveal a new portion of our bracket, leading up to the Championship game on April 5th, when we determine the best mascot in the 2010 NCAA Tournament.

Round of 32 (East and South)


East Bracket

#9 Texas Longhorns vs. #16 East Tennessee State Buccaneers
This battle features a drastic difference in fighting styles. Bucs are dominant swash-bucklers and have a solid rob-to-plunder ratio. Longhorns are slow but powerful, and their horns have a high damage rate. What this comes down to is simple: Desire. Cattle enjoy grazing aimlessly in pastures for hours. Buccaneers on the otherhand are merciless thieves who never turn down a chance to collect some booty. Late in the game, ETSU "cow-tips" Dexter Pittman and he is unable to get up.

Winner - #16 East Tennessee State Buccaneers

#4 Wisconsin Badgers vs. #5 Temple Owls

Badgers and owls never get the respect they deserve. Owls are assassins of the night, preying on any creatures wandering across the forest floor. Badgers are ruthless hunters, and can find food buried well below ground. It would seem unlikely that these two animals would ever actually cross paths. I'm going to give Temple the edge because of pop-culture references. They've got Hooters and "Mr. owl" from the Tootsie Pop commercials. The only things we get from Badgers are a reference on "The Simpsons" and that really stupid youtube video.

Winner - #5 Temple Owls


#3 New Mexico Lobos vs. #11 Washington Huskies

These two teams are very similar despite the seeding difference. Lobos are wolves, and wolves are a type of canine. Huskies are also a type of canine. New Mexico is the home of the western omelet and chipotle spices. Washington has Starbucks, the most addictive fast-food chain in the country. Both states are also well-known for their music. Seattle is home to legendary bands Pearl Jam and Nirvana. The New Mexican frontier is inspiration for more than a number of famous folk songs. The advantage in this match up goes to the Lobos only because their nickname is more unique. Maybe if we all weren't sick of hearing about the UConn huskies, we would be more accepting. But we aren't, and the Lobos advance in a triple-overtime thriller. Gus Johnson's call is legendary: "THE WOLVES....ARE LIVIN' LA VIDA...LOBO!!"

Winner - #3 New Mexico Lobos


#2 West Virginia Mountaineers vs. #7 Missouri Tigers

The Mountaineers just might have the easiest path to the Final Four in the entire bracket. But give the mountaineer credit. Afterall it is such a well-rounded mascot. They carry firearms, so most predators don't stand a chance. Mountaineers are also good at tracking prey, not to mention surviving in various conditions and terrain. Finally, mountaineers are very resourceful. They get all the potential resources out of their prey before continuing on. It is going to take a powerful powerful beast to stop these wilderness warriors. Allot more than anything a midwestern tiger has to offer.

Winner - #2 West Virginia Mountaineers


South Bracket

#8 California Golden Bears vs. #16 Arkansas-Pine Bluff Golden Lions

This is a clash between the world's most ultimate super-animals. This is easily the biggest super fight in the history of the Animal Kingdom. It would be a bigger draw than Maywether/Pacquiao or Epic Beard man/Amberlamps Guy II. Lions are much quicker than bears and would post a better 40yd-dash time. But in a long-distance race I would take the bears over the lions. This is another closely contested battle which will be decided by just one thing. APB sports one of/if not the most ferocious-looking logos in all collegiate sports and Cal-Berkly's mascot is probably the most pathetic-looking mascot in the country.

Winner - #16 Arkansas-Pine Bluff Golden Lions


#4 Purdue Boilermakers vs. #12 Utah State Aggies

I envision modern-day Boilermakers as your "Joe Everyman" type who drives an American full-cab pickup truck, drinks Bud Heavy religiously, and hasn't missed an opening day of whitetail/trout season since the Big Dog era. Aggies from Utah State could not be more diametrically-opposite if they tried. I see nothing but hybrid-driving, Kings of Leon-loving Scientologists.

Winner - #4 Purdue Boilermakers


#3 Baylor Bears vs. #11 Old Dominion Monarchs

I feel like Monarchs are allowed to do whatever they want. It is true that bears are the Brock Lesnars of the animal kingdom, but I don't think it would be be unheard of for the Grand Duke of Virginia to banish all bears from the territory. Or at the least, make bear season year-long. Plus, I mean, have you seen their logo? it's pretty bad ass. I just don't think Baylor has anything to offer in this one. Monarchy Rules.

Winner - #11 Old Dominion Monarchs


#7 Richmond Spiders vs. #15 Robert Morris Colonials

You would think that the Colonials squash the bugs and advance to the Sweet Sixteen, right? Wrong. You forget that most historical figure mascots have week immune systems due to their rudimentary medical knowledge. One spider bite is all it takes to wipe out the colony of New Pittsburgh.

Winner - #7 Richmond Spiders


Next Round: Sweet Sixteen

Midwest Bracket
#4 Maryland Terrapins vs. #9 UNLV Runnin' Rebels
#11 San Diego State Aztecs vs. #15 UC-Santa Barbara Gauchos

West Bracket
#4 Vanderbilt Commodores vs. #16 Vermont Catamounts
#14 Oakland Golden Grizzlies vs. #15 North Texas Mean Green

East Bracket
#5 Temple Owls vs. #16 East Tennessee State Buccanneers
#2 West Virginia Mountaineers vs. #3 New Mexico Lobos

South Bracket
#4 Purdue Boilermakers vs. #16 Arkansas-Pine Bluff Golden Lions
#7 Richmond Spiders vs. #11 Old Dominion Monarchs