Friday, February 18, 2011

90% of basketball is the flow: An inside look at the best hairdos in college hoops

No sport allows the viewing public to focus on the face and head of players as much as basketball does.

Think about it: Hockey, football, baseball and lacrosse all require helmets. Even water polo and wrestling requires some sort of head-gear. Soccer is played on a field that's damn-near a quarter-mile long. Nobody watches tennis or bowling. But in basketball, viewers can see every part of a players face.

Why do I bring this up?

Well, only because the college basketball landscape features some of the most interesting hairdos in the entire sports world.

Is this list completely unnecessary? Absolutely. Is it a waste of time? Probably. But does it make you a better, more knowledgeable college basketball fan? Hell-yes it does.

If you are interested to see who made last year's list. Here ya go: Part 1, Part 2.

Mike Bruesewitz - Wisconsin

I know what you're thinking: "When the hell did Wisconsin offer Carrot Top a scholarship?" Mike "Ravishing Red" Breueswitz is setting the Midwest ablaze with his heart, hustle and hair. There's the "Bruesewitz hair-cam" and even red wigs for sale at the Badgers team store.


Bruesewitz hasn't always donned the flaming mop-top. Up until this season he has sported a more conservative crew-cut, but was inspired by his older brother to let his hair down.


The Bruiser's head of hair is about as unique, and red, as any head of hair in the country.


Dwight Buycks - Marquette

I love Dwight Buycks. I'll admit it, and I have no shame in doing so. Just look at this dude, and try to tell me you don't at least admire his swagger.


What I like the most about Buyck's hairdo, which I have coined "the buyck tread", is that he mixes it up. After all, versatility is key in any sport. You have to keep people on their toes, and that's exactly what Buycks is doing.


Rotnei Clarke - Arkansas

I'll forgive him for the egregious misspelling of his first name for now, because my man Rotnei is repping the "brohawk" to the max. Clarke is arguably one of the best pure-shooters in the country. But he also seems to follows the golden rule of all sports "You have to look good in order to play good".


I'm not exactly sure how the "brohawk" stays intact during games, but I'll save that for another post. Maybe we should ask Gary Parrish, he probably knows the answer:



Honorable Mention: Cade Davis, Oklahoma



Andre Coimbra - Central Michigan

How in-the-world do you play with something like this?


I just don't understand how somebody can play a close-quarters-game like basketball with such spacious hair. If I had to play against him, I'd get rather frustrated. Plus you have to wonder whether all that hair gets in the way of his brain processing information. I mean, why would somebody from Rio de Janeiro want to spend four years in Central Michigan?


Jae Crowder - Marquette

He's got locks similar to Morehead State's Kenny Faried. There is something ferocious about Crowder's look. Maybe it's his size, after all, he's just 6'6, but his upper body is stacked, and when he gets fired up, he looks like some sort of wild animal.


I would not want to fight for a rebound against hair like this.

Honorable Mention: Kenny Faried, Morehead State, Nick Mason, Arkansas


Marcus Denmon - Missouri


This is the cornrow'd version of "lettuce". Demon's cornrows are well manicured and well maintained. His hairdo is similar to what teammate Michael Dixon rocked last season. There is no denying that Denmon has been on fire this season, and there's no denying that his hairdo is pretty fresh.

Honorable Mention: Marvell Waithe, Arkansas, Aaron Brown, Temple


Tyrone Garland - Virginia Tech

You may be surprised to know that Garland is the 3rd leading scorer in Philadelphia Public School history, only one spot behind Wilt Chamberlain. But that's about all that garland and "The Big Dipper" have in common. The freshman guard may have the most unique set of hair follicles in the ACC. What really makes his hairdo interesting is the headband. We've seen many players with dreads as long as Garland's but that headband keeps it under control.


What I also love about Garland is that he's versatile. He's gone with dreads, straight cornrows, designed cornrows and even a Katt-Williams-esque flat-iron approach.

Honorable Mention: Steve Tchiengang, Vanderbilt


Aloysius Henry - UNC-Greensboro

Henry is in a hair-class of his own. I mean, what exactly is that? Is it a mini-fro? Is a gheri-curl? Are they tiny dreads?


Whatever it is, I am certain that it is pretty cool. The six-ten native of the Windward Islands definitely has that Caribbean-style of flow going on. I really can't emphasize how much I like this 'do.


Scotty Hopson - Tennessee

Nobody rocks the high-top fade harder then Hopson. He's been repping the "Fresh Prince" all-season-long and it doesn't look like it's going anywhere.


I've always been a big fan of this hairdo, and I love to see somebody represent it this thoroughly. I only wish he would continue to grow it out until Kid'n'Play have to sue for stealing their likeness.

Honorable Mention: Norris Cole, Cleveland State, Anthony Jones, Baylor, Ryan Evans, Wisconsin


Jordair Jett - Saint Louis

Awesome name? Yup. Awesome head of hair? Yup yup.


But seriously, I think this might be too much hair for one head. It looks like he doesn't even know what to do with all those dreads. It's like a messy ball of extension-cords. Your mom will tell you to unravel them and put them away, but you just can't get them untangled. So what do you do? You bunch them up as tightly as possible and wedge them into a cupboard hoping they will stay put. At least for the sake of opposing players, Jett seems to have his follicles under control.


Skylar McBee - Tennessee

The loveable Volunteer walk-on captured the hearts of hoops fans everywhere last season with his game-clinching 3-pointer against top-ranked Kansas. But now McBee captures the hearts of pre-teen girls everywhere with his homage to Justin Beiber.


I call it "the McBeeiber".

Honorable Mention: John Shurna, Northwestern


Jesse Perry - Arizona

And the winner for "Biggest head of hair in College Basketball" goes to..... Seriously, look at that. It's some amalgamation of dreadlocks and cornrows. Whatever it is, it's way too much. Imagine going for a rebound against him? It looks like that thing could drop you like a bad habit. Its one thing to have to box out a guy with long dreads that might whip you in the eye or neck, but it's another thing to get knocked out by somebody's dreadlocks.


Imagine how strong his neck muscles must be for having to hold up that much weight all the time?


Cory Remekun - St. Louis

That is no ordinary afro.


It's a mullet-inspired pseudo-hi-top=fade-meets-afro-slash-frohawk. Sure it looks like kind of normal from afar but at the proper angle, you can tell this hairdo is one of a kind. It's almost like a rhombus-shaped afro. I'm not sure if that's what Remekun was going for, but that's what he got, and it's pretty cool. (A big H/T to @MattSebek for the twitpic)


Stephen Roundtree - Oral Roberts

If I could grow hair like this, I totally would. Its kind-of like the gheri-curl of our generation, and I love it.


It also kind-of looks like one of those goofy snowboarding hats you see people wearing because they think it's hip and cool but everybody else knows that it's totally lame.


Donald Sims - Appalachian State

In Sims' four years at Appalachian State he has amassed a plethora of awards, achievements, records, and career-bests. But as for his hair, I'm not really sure what to say.


The only "best-of" or "all-hair" team Sims' qualifies for is the "All-over-the-place" squad. Sims' hair is even more confusing in person. It's not exactly an afro, but it's not exactly a gheri-curl or curly-locks either. So in conclusion, I'm not sure what exactly is going on upstairs with Sims, but at least it deserves recognition.


Sai'Quon Stone - Southern Mississippi

Here we have another Double-gold-winning head of hair (All-Name-Teamer/All-Hair-Teamer). Stone subscribes to the Stanley Robinson School of hair-care: If you got it, flaunt it.


Sai'Quon will rock cornrows one game, dreads the next, a different type of cornrows after that, followed-up by a combination of dreads and cornrows. Like I stated earlier, versatility is key. You gotta keep the people alls wanting more, and I think Sai'Quon knows this. I mean, why else would he subject head scalp to such bizarre designs?


Jeron Trotman - Centenary

Centenary has not one a single game this season and will probably finish the season without one. I can't imagine they have too many fans at their home games. But if you want to sell a bad product, you have to spruce it up a bit, and that's exactly what Trotman has done with his head.


I mean, this is probably the only time this year you've seen a picture of a Centenary player, so Trotman's work is already paying off.

Honorable Mention: Moussa Camara, Binghamton


Mike Wilder - UC-Irvine

Last, but certainly not least, is last season's winner of the "Donald Trump Award for Most Outstanding Head of Hair", Mike Wilder. I'm rarely at a loss for words, but it's easy to forget what I'm talking about when I gaze at his super-mega-afro-crag.



If UC-Irvine hasn't started selling "Mike Wilder afro wigs" at home games, somebody in the marketing department needs to be fired.

So there you have it. An in-depth look at some of the best hairdos in college hoops this season. But my work isn't done. I know there are dome-pieces out there I haven't seen yet. If you have noticed a bizarre hairdo, or if something catches your eye during a game, hit up @BIAHtheTrizzle or email us at contactBIAH@gmail.com

3 comments:

Eric (Extra P.) said...

I've been feeling kind of sad that I don't have time to do this kind of stuff at Storming the Floor any more, but I don't think I could have done it half as well as you did here. I was practically holding my breath waiting for the Irvine hair, and you delivered. Love it.

Troy Machir said...

Eric: thanks for the dap, I really appreciate it.

I had planned on getting this done months ago, but like you mentioned, life gets in the way sometimes. I had to hunker down on Monday, waste some corporate money and get this done, or we would all still be yearning for this.

Hopefully I have the time to get a Part II in.

and of course I got Mike Wilder. You just can't leave out something like that.

Wendy G. Gunderson said...

This one from the Marquette-Syracuse game is a great one for Buycks. I looks sort of like a mix of crosses and pitchforks. http://www.flickr.com/photos/wgg/5401388405/