There Is Nothing Like a Good Off-Season Hoops Story: Guerdwich Montimere

The news-ticker in the college hoops world works 24/7 nine months out of the year. During the off-season, when the ticker moves just a bit slower, stories that would usually get pushed to the back-burner get over-examined. Even if the stories are from well beyond left field, every writer, analyst and blogger in the country is talking about it, because, well, there isn't much else to talk about.

While most of the discussion and debate this off-season has been surrounding conference expansion and anything involving possible NCAA violations, there have been a handful of wildly-entertaining news stories to over-examine and debate to keep us occupied until Marathon Madness.

Troy Machir, B.I.A.H's resident brainiac on the ridiculous and the unnecessary will be providing you with a breakdown of the most outlandish news stories of the off-season.

The first story we have for you may very well be the most interesting hoops-related story of the year. You might want to strap yourselves in, because it's about to get weird.

The Jerry Joseph/Guerdwich Montimere disastrophe

Hands-down the best-most-ridiculously-puzzling-slash-uncontrollably-intoxicating-news-story-of-the-summer.

Yea, that just happened.

This story takes the cake as best off-season story quite effortlessly.

This one is so ridiculous that it could have easily been made into four different episodes of Law & Order, and I'm talking all the Law & Orders: Original, SVU, Criminal Intent, Trial By Jury and Los Angeles. Yea, I bet you didn't know about Trial By Jury. You didn't miss anything special. It was terrible, which just so happens to be the perfect adjective to describe Guerdwich Montimere's decision-making skills.

Essentially, here's what happended: A 22-year-old Haitian man (Montimere) who played high school basketball in Florida (Dillard HS) about ten years ago posed as a 16-year-old high school star (Joseph) in Texas (Permian HS). He even had a former teammate (Caldwell) enroll him at school and sign an affidavit stating he was his half-brother. Turns out that Caldwell isn't his brother, therefore Joseph (allegedly a Haitian immigrant with no parents) is an illegal immigrant. But since Joseph (Montimere) isn't Joseph (Montimere), he's also busted for false identification, along with the illegal immigration and forging false court documents.

And to think, I thought the whole "Finkle is Einhorn, Einhorn is Finkle" thing was confusing.

On top of that, Joseph (Montimere) lived with his head coach and family while attending school.The coach and his family believed he was a 16-year-old orphan. In fact, Joseph Montimere was 22-years-old and even has a fraternal twin brother, Guerdwin Montimere, who is currently serving time in a Florida jail for burglary and mischief charges.

But we aren't even done with all the ridiculousness yet.

When Joseph was 15 (Montimere 21) he had sexual relations with a girl from Permian HS who was 16. The problem is that it wasn't 15-year-old Joseph, but 21-year-old Montimere. 21-year-olds are not allowed to sleep with 16-year-old girls. It's called statutory rape. So you can add that one to the laundry list of charges Montimere racked up.



This story is almost too mind-boggling to digest. So basically what we got was a guy (Montimere/Joseph) breaking about 4-5 different laws, each one more severe than the last, all just to get another shot at high school basketball. That's a pretty risky "reset button" he pushed.

This story is one part Anthony Avalos, one part Danny Almonte, one part Castor Semenya, and three parts ridiculous.

I am still having trouble undestanding how a functioning human being does something like this. But I guess desperate times call for desperate measures. According to this theory, Guerdwich Montimere must have been the most desperate human being on the planet.

Read this article and tell me if it doesn't make ur intestines unravle. (My favorite quote from this article: "He was a men amongst boys" ummm... hello he was a 22-year-old playing against 16-year-olds.) This kid grown-adult played everybody. He played his coach, he played his school, and he even played the reporter who wrote this tear-jerking piece.

There is nothing worse than a liar, and Montimere was trying to make an entire career life out of one big lie. I can't even get away with lying about eatting the last slice of my roommates pizza. Yet this kid grown-adult lied through his pores and got shelter, a family and a second chance at high school. I would kill for a second chance at high school. Actually wait, considering the context of this story, I probably shouldn't say that.

Guerdwich Montimere, if you are reading this: you make me sick.

But what really irks me is that I haven't even gotten to talk about how awesome the name "Guerdwich Montimere" is. After all, it's a pretty spectacular name. Who knows, in another life (his original one), he might have actually been able to make the vaunted "B.I.A.H All-Name-Team".

But is it awesome enough to commit a handful of crimes, including statutory rape?

Well I think you can be the judge of that.

If this isn't the most absurd hoops-related story you've seen this summer, then either we aren't doing our jobs, or you are lying, because it is.