Mascot Madness: Elite Eight

One of the great things about March Madness is that there are so many small-name teams that you have never heard of playing on the big stage. What makes this so great is that with 314 possible contestants, we are bound to have a handful of interesting nickname/mascot combinations in the tournament year in and year out.

After all, isn't that what you look forward to the most? Spending Thursday afternoon watching The same old plain-Jane blue-and-white Kentucky Wildcats battle The silver-green-and-red Highlanders of East Western Poly Tech State?

It is common knowledge that we here at BIAH are the leaders in unnecessary college basketball information. Since we have this 64-team bracket in-front of us, we decided to try and determine the best mascot in March Madness.

Each day we will reveal a new portion of our bracket, leading up to the Championship game on April 5th, when we determine the best mascot in the 2010 NCAA Tournament.

In case you are checking in for the first time, or if you just want to relive some of the memories, here is exactly how we got here:

Round 1: Midwest
Round 1: West
Round 1: East
Round 1: South
Round 2: Midwest and West
Round 2: East and South
Sweet Sixteen

We are down to the best eight mascots out of 65 entries. But at this time you should be starting to look forward to next year's 96-team bonanza. Why?

Because we could possibly see a tournament full of dragons, hokies, salukis, blazers, ducks, titans, seahawks, ramblers, cyclones, and even possibly jackrabbits next year. Then again it's quite possible we just get more cougars, wildcats, bears, and tigers. That would be lame. I'll stay optimistic.

Anyways, after the jump you will find out what four teams are going to the promise land.


Midwest Bracket

#4 Maryland Terrapins vs. #11 San Diego State Aztecs

No team has been able to crack the titanium shells of the Maryland Terrapins.

Until now.

Aztecs seem like the type of people who would feast on large box terrapins. Remember, these are hunter-gatherers we are talking about. They use what ever resources are available. If all the bison and coyotes have been over-hunted, why not hunt oversized turtles?

It won't be an easy task for the Aztecs. Turtle shells are nearly-impossible to crack, but thanks to an off-night from Greivis Vasquez, the Aztecs are able to flip Testudo on his back. It's much easier to dissect a turtle from the underside (thank you high school biology class), especially when wielding dual-tomahawks.

The Aztecs can now use the shells for armor, weaponry or even as pottery. I've heard turle soup is delicious.

Winners - #11 San Diego State Aztecs


West Bracket

#4 Vanderbilt Commodores vs. #14 Oakland Golden Grizzles

Golden grizzlies are a rare breed. Unfortunately, monopolizing tycoons are the type of people that like to collect rare things. Vanderbilt uses another rare import - 7-foot Australian AJ Ogilvy - to dominate the overwhelmed Summit League champs. The grizz are tranquilized, de-clawed and caged. Vanderbilt is going to the Final Four.

Winner - #4 Vanderbilt Commodores


East Bracket

#3 New Mexico Lobos vs. #16 East Tennessee State Buccaneers

The name buccaneer comes from the french word boucan, which was a wooden frame that hunters used to cook smoked meat on. The hunters were known as boucaniers.

So basically, buccaneers are nothing more than the gluttons of the swash-buckling industry. They aren't the pirates that are adept at swordsmanship nor are they the pirates known for their good sailing skills. Nope, the Buccaneers are known for their culinary expertise.

That brilliant piece information (patting myself on the back) is the type of thing that can propel a team to the next level. I won't question what pirates are doing in land-locked eastern Tennessee for now.

The "Iron Chefs of the High Seas" slice-and-dice the lobos, serving them on a bed of couscous, with southwestern challots and chipotle spices.

Winner - #16 East Tennessee State Buccaneers


South Bracket

#4 Purdue Boilermakers vs. #7 Richmond Spiders

Purdue has been steamrolling opponents thus far. The Boilermaker Special has been running at full steam, despite lead conductor Robbie Hummel being out for the season.

Purdue is looking to make it an "all-human" Final Four, but the eight-legged-freaks from the Atlantic-14 have other plans. Spiders are the perfect party-crashers. They are small, nimble, sometimes poisonous, and most importantly - really, really gross.

There aren't a lot of situations in which a spider could physically defeat a speeding train, but sometimes March Madness works in mysterious ways. I mean, Butler AND Michigan State in the Final Four? Anything is possible.

The Richmond Spiders shock the world and become the only non-human mascot in the Final Four.

Winner - #7 Richmond Spiders



Next Round: Final Four
#4 Vanderbilt Commodores vs. #11 San Diego State Aztecs
#7 Richmond Spiders vs. #16 East Tennessee State Buccaneers