No, you didn't misread that.
"All McDonald's-American Team".
America is consistently rated as amongst the most obese nations in the world (#9 in 2011, 74.1% overweight or obese).
Listen, there isn't anything wrong with being big. Don't tell me you don't secretly yearn to eat a Five Guys burger at least once a week. But alas, most normal human beings are either too self-conscious or are into staying fit and healthy all the time.
For the "All McDonald's Americans", laying off an extra helping of pie is never an option. But for many of them, working out and getting in shape has always seem liked one. Offensive lineman can get away with being well-over 300lbs because, well, they don't have to run the floor and finish transition plays. Unfortunately for the hippos of the hardwood, endurance and stamina are an important part of the game, and hauling 300lbs of body mass up and down the court can take it's toll.
You probably know some of them, but not all of them, which is why we are here. To provide you the list of the fattest fatties and the biggest bigs in college basketball this season.
This list wouldn't have been possible without the creative idea-making of Eric Angevine from Storming the Floor, who once again, beat me to the idea-punch by about two years.
After the jump, you'll get a chance to get-to-know the elite class of 2011-2012 rotund roundballers.
Renardo Sidney - 280lbs, 6'10, Mississippi State
What is there to say about Renardo Sidney that hasn't already been said? He's the most troubled, ill-mannered, and unguided big-man in the history of big-men. Essentially, he is the Oliver Miller of our generation .
We all know Sidney's story, Never attended USC, sat out a year at MSU, got into a fight with a teammate a week after getting suspended from practice. He didn't even go to Europe with the team this off-season and stayed in Houston to train with John Lucas.
In Mississippi State's first four games he spent the majority of crunch time on the bench due to lack of stamina and effort. Sidney will continue to be handed second chances because his talent potential could be through the roof. But having showed little to no effort towards getting in shape, Sidney will continued to be looked at as a bust. A massive bust. He's such a big bust that he has his own de-motivational poster
Josh Smith - 305lbs - 6'10, Soph., UCLA
Josh Smith is the quintessential "Burger King". He's the "Renardo Sidney of the West Coast". The UCLA big-man is about as big as somebody his size can get while still being a functioning member of society. He is so large that whatever size uniform he wears still seems like it's two sizes too small.
But what makes him special is that he refuses to get in better shape or work on his endurance. His talent potential is so high, yet he has no desire whatsoever to go on a diet get better.
Smith averages just under 20-mpg, yet scores roughly 10-ppg. Imagine what he could do if he could play a full game.
Smith may have not been involved in the "food poisoning" incident involving Tyler Lamb, Anthony Stover and some late-night chili fries, but I'd be safe to assume that Josh is probably a regular at the Fat Sal's in Westwood.
Davante Gardner - 290lbs, 6'9, Soph., Marquette
Davante Gardner is a big boy. His vitals might not indicate it, but he's one of the biggest players in Division-I. Reports out of Milwaukee are that he has slimmed down since last year, and has put in some off-season work towards getting in shape.
Last year he showed that he can be a dominant force on the low block. He just has to be fit enough to play more minutes. Last season he played more than 15 minutes just four times. So far this season, he has registered at least 15 minutes in three of five games. By the end of the season, Gardner may be one of the most-improved wide-loads in the country.
Andre Almeida - 310lbs, 6'10, Sr., Nebraska
The Sao Paolo-native is the the most "under-the-radar" big-man in the country. It's not because he's got supreme talent, but rather because he's just so damn big.
If he played for any true basketball school, his size and stature on campus would be of legendary status. But at Nebraska, he looks like any other ordinary 315lb offensive lineman.
But make no mistake, this behemoth can ball. He scored ten key points in the Cornhusker's upset-win over Texas last season, and even drew the attention of ESPN's Scott Van Pelt.
You can call him "Size", "El Blanco Gigante" or even "Bobo Brazil", but just remember this: That dude is HUGE.
Joe Burton - 280lbs, 6'7, Jr., Oregon State
Joe Burton holds the distinction of being the largest college basketball player of Native American decent. In fact, he may be one of the biggest Native Americans ever.
At 280lbs, the big-man has slimmed down from the 290lb-frame he carried around while playing basketball and volleyball in high school.
Burton may be the smallest guy on the First Team, but he's also the shortest, which makes his center of gravity just as massive as Josh Smith's.
In fact, when UCLA and Oregon State go at it during Pac-12 conference play, everyone else should get out of the way. Nearly 600lbs of body mass is going to be battling on the low block.
Reggie Johnson - 305lbs, 6'10, Jr., Miami
If it had not been for a knee injury late in the summer that set him back 5-6 months, Big Slim right here would have been a sure-fire first teamer. He's just so damn big.
Seriously, I'm at a loss for words as to how big he is. He's huge. Wide. Tall, big, massive. All of that. Plus, he's got some serious skills. His level for potential is as high as Sidney's and Smith's.
This would have been a big year for Johnson (pun definitely intended). He was working hard in the off-season, even shed some weight. But a productive junior year could have definitely improved his draft status, which was already trending upwards.
It will be interesting to see if being on the shelf for five months impacted his physique. It probably did. That's a scary thought, because he's freakishly-large already.
Derrick Nix - 270lbs - 6'9, Soph., Michigan State
We've written about this big-man before. Two years ago he entered East Lansing closing in on 300lbs.
Since then he's put the work in and lost a ton of weight. At the beginning of the preseason he checked in at 267lbs and had added a significant amount of muscle.
The big-man still needs to work on his agility and lateral movement, but an athletic Derrick Nix will be a useful weapon for the Spartans this year.
We all should be fans of Nix. I know I could benefit from shedding some extra mass, and you probably could too.
Jared Sullinger - 280lbs, 6'9, Soph., Ohio State
Sully is the superstar of this group. He uses his size masterfully and is arguably the most dominant low-post player in the country.
His merciless rebounds skills were made possibly by his giant legs and massive backside. There are not many players in the country with better pure rebounding skills thatn Sullinger.
Sully could have been a lottery pick, but decided to stay and school. He spent much of the off-season losing weight and adding muscle.
He might not be the wide-load he was last season, but he's still a big dude.
Honorable Mention
Matt Stainbrook - 290lbs, 6'9, Soph, Western Michigan
Matt Balkema - 285lbs, 6'10, Jr., Eastern Michigan
Rayshawn Goins - 279lbs, 6'6, Jr., James Madison
Chad Lang - 275lbs, 6'11, Fr., Belmont
Barry Honore - 270lbs, 6'7, Sr., Oklahoma
Daryl McCoy - 270lbs, 6'9, Jr., Drexel
Marvin Williams - 270lbs, 6'8, Fr., Lipscomb
Derrick Williams - 270lbs, 6'6, Fr., Richmond
Steve Moore - 267lbs, 6'9, Sr., Missouri
Devon Long - 260lbs, 6'7, Fr., Cleveland State
Continue reading...
Monday, November 21, 2011
The 2011-2012 All McDonalds-American Team |
Wednesday, December 9, 2009
Land Warriors: 2009-2010 Best of the Biggest |
Basketball is a game dominated by the blessed: the best of the best are the guys blessed with height, athleticism, and coordination. The are precious few people in the world built like a John Wall or a Derrick Rose. Rare is it that you come across a physical specimen like Blake Griffin or Al-Farouq Aminu. Those guys succeed in large part because they are bigger, or faster, or stronger, or can jump higher (or all of the above) than their opponents. While these are the guys that are the most fun and impressive to watch, at times it is difficult to root for them.
We at BIAH tend to pull for the underdog, today we take a look at our favorite kind of underdog: the land warrior.
What defines a land warrior?
A land warrior won't jump over you. He won't run by you or go around you. Land warriors will go through you. Why? Simply put, they are the widest players on the floor. They are the guys that always got their own seat on the team bus out of necessity, not seniority. The guys that Grandma always made sure got an extra plate of leftovers at Thanksgiving. How these men wound up on the hardwood and not on the gridiron will remain a mystery to high school and college football coaches around the country.
The rotund infantry always seem to be the fan favorites. They aren't the prettiest or the flashiest. They aren't primadonnas. They don't have that perfectly toned and streamlined body with the biceps of a Greek god. They don't look like an athlete as much as the guy next to you drinking a Bud Heavy while eating Doritos dipped in cheese sauce.
These heroes have flown under the radar for too long. It is time to put a stop to this injustice. Let us waste no more time in honoring our favorite soldiers of the terrain:
James "Big Lumber" Eayrs - UW-Milwaukee - 6'7, 310lbs
Let us be the first to introduce you (pending you aren't already familiar, thank you Sports Illustrated) to the quintessential land warrior.
His name? James Eayrs. His Occupation? "Big Lumber". We must give SI's Seth Davis credit for opening our eyes to this monstrous wrecking-ball with long range firepower.
Here is what Davis had to say about the man who moves like a nimble iguana: Body of a sumo wrestler, hands of a surgeon, feet of a ballet dancer.
Luke Winn also had nice things to say about the over-sized riot shield with a buttery touch: How can you not love Big Lumber? He's the Big Baby of the Northwoods, standing 6-7 and weighing 310 pounds, lighting up the Horizon League with surprising touch for his size. Not only does Eayrs provide constant entertainment -- his look and body type are completely unique in college hoops -- he gives hope to husky children everywhere, that one day, they, too, can play college hoops.
Take a look at this true land warrior and then imagine him with an extra 80lbs of "armor". Entering his freshman year, Eayrs tipped the scales at a svelte 390lbs. At 6'7 and 390lbs he would be hands-down the largest player in the NFL. But at a sleek 310lbs this land warrior has extra mobility and has acquired long-range precision (he is 14-37 from behind the arch).
Jame Eayrs was not always known as "Big Lumber". He heard "The Dancing Polar Bear", "Big James", and "Big Country". It was not until a January 9th, 2009, when Eayrs sank a game-tying 3-point buzzer-beater, that the legend of "Big Lumber" was born. The rotund rocket-launcher has become something of a pop icon in Milwaukee. During the siberian-esque winters in the great Midwest, people ditch the ice fishing in favor of bearing witness to the quintessential land warrior. The fans love him, the commentators are wooed by him, and the opposing players and coaches are absolutely puzzled by him. He is "Big Lumber" .
Dexter Pittman - Texas - 6'10, 298lbs
Pittman is another example of a land warrior who went into boot camp as a "project" and left as a husky but muscular fighting machine. Pittman is your hand-to-hand combat specialist. He breaks the mold of a true "hippo of the hardwood" because he has shed nearly 30 pounds in four years and is now a chiseled one-man battering ram.
His long frame means even weight-displacement for more raw power. He is the Longhorn's go-to weapon for clearing 2-4 defenders out of the paint, offensive rebounding, and tearing down the Berlin Wall.
Pierre Henderson-Niles - Memphis - 6'8, 300lbs
I have had a chance to view this man-bear-pig in close-quarters and let me tell you that Henderson-Niles has got to be one of the largest land mammals on the planet earth. Best known for his skills at preying on small groups of farm animals by himself, PHN is one of the most ferocious-looking creatures on the college basketball savanna.
The scariest part about this behemoth is that he could be even bigger. This specimen has crammed all 300lbs of muscle and rawhide onto his athletic frame. Attempting to stand in front of the mammoth power forward at top speed is considered a death wish in many cultures. Henderson-Niles never quite lived up to his potential though. He is currently averaging only 3.8ppg, which happens to be his career high.
Arinze Onuaku - Syracuse - 6'9, 275lbs
Of the same species as our last creature, this specimen is a tad smaller and is only located in the Northern United States. Despite it's somewhat slim physique, the land warrior known as Onuaku is even more talented ferocious than Henderson-Niles. Adorned by his trademark head band, Onuaku is the most dominating post player the Orangemen have.
He has raw power and athleticism but lacking a smooth touch at the charity stripe and poor ball-handling skills keeps Arinze from being an "elite big man". It also means he must resort to picking on the larger, slower animals in the savannah, as he is no match for quick gazelles or savvy hyenas.
Keith "Tiny" Gallon - Oklahoma - 6'8, 290lbs
Every infantry unit has a "Jumbo", a "slim" or a "Big John" amongst them. This rookie land warrior is new to the battlefield, but already shows signs of improvement. His areas of expertise include rebounding, footwork, and carpet-bombing.
"Tiny" is no Blake Griffin, but he is doing better than expected filling the hole in the Sooner's frontcourt left by Blake and Taylor Griffin. Gallon may still be nothing more than a man-child at this point, but his touch is developing nicely. But give this plebe some time to mature. However, at a university with practice squad offensive linemen the size of Gallon, he has to set his stun-gun on dazzle in order to win over the Boomer Sooner fans.
Derrick Nix - Michigan State - 6'9, 275lbs
Nix is big-boned, large, wide, long, tall, and any other word you use to describe a man of enormous proportions. Nix suffers from a disease that is too common among land warriors: Shaq Flu
Most beasts can cope with mediocre ball skills, but Nix is a one-of-a-kind specimen. His hands are rather slow, which undoubtedly meant he was the kid back in the day who never was able to snag the last biscuit at the dinner table. In order to gain the fan base of a true land warrior, Nix will need to work on his accuracy. Because, you know, 5% free throw shooting just won't cut it.
Seriously.
5%.
Other Notable Land Warriors:
Continue reading...
Posts
