Tuesday, February 7, 2012

Hair we go again: A look at the best hairdos in college basketball

With every new year comes new fads, fashions and trends. The college basketball scene is no different; Platinum jerseys, 3-goggles, faux-hawks, just some of the trends currently overtaking the hoops landscape.

But as I've said time and time again, basketball is one of the few sports that allows players to show off their follicle freedom and allows fans to see their creativity up-close. Every season is different, and what we've been presented with in '11-'12 is of it's own flavor and style.

To Look back at past "All-Hair-Teams", choose from the following:
- Best Hair in College Basketball '10-'11
- Basketball's Best Beards '10-'11
- Hoops Hairdos '09-'10 Part 2
- Hoops Hairdos '09-'10 Part 1

If you think I missed anybody, go back and look through the previous editions. If I didn't mention them there, be sure to let me know. There is more to come.

For those of you just tuning in to college hoops for the first time this season now that football is over with, here is what you have missed.

Mike Scott, Virginia

Not only is Scott a legitimate contender for ACC Player of the Year, he's also the most versatile hair stylist in the country.

The Cavalier big-man has donned no less than five different cornrow patterns this season, each one more complex than the other.

Sure Virginia plays a painfully-boring style of basketball. But there's nothing boring about what Scott is doing to his hair follicles.

Ed Daniel, Murray State

Lost in all the "perfect season" hype is the masterful afro displayed by Racers' forward Ed Daniel. According to a report from WPSD Channel-6 in Kentucky, Daniel's hair has it's own mysterious powers. Yes, I agree, that may be the most ridiculous news package I've ever seen. But there's no denying that Daniel's hair is a popular topic of discussion.

After all, it has it's own Twitter account, Facebook page and StatTracker. I'm seriously not making any of this up.

Now more than ever, I'm hoping Murray State stays undefeated and runs the tables come March. If/when Ed's hair becomes the next pop sensation, just remember that I was on the bandwagon before anybody else.

Honorable Mention: Quincy Diggs, Akron; Jontel Evans, Virginia; Bryson Johnson, Bucknell

Austin McBroom, Central Michigan

Somebody must have put him up to this.

He must have lost a bet.

There is no way a sane human being would knowingly do this to his own head of hair. I'm literally speechless. Wha...who...I mean...why..... I just....Ahhhhhhhhhhhh. I just can't take this any more.

Imagine if Khem Birch had transferred to Central Michigan instead of UNLV.... You know what? Don't imagine that, I wouldn't wish that on anybody. One bleached-blonde skunk-hat is heinous enough.

Now, if you would excuse me, I have to go douse my eyeballs in concentrated bleach.

Honorable Mention: Khem Birch: Pittsburgh UNLV

Evan Roquemore, Santa Clara

The fauxhawk is one of the worst epidemics to ever hit college basketball. It's silly, it's stupid, and most importantly, it's not creative at all. However, if you do decide to rock the fauxhawk, you should do it with extreme vigor, just as the Broncos guard has done. He has since gone with the clean-shaven look, but nonetheless, his fauxhawk was one of the few that deserved mention.

Ivory White, Alabama State

And to think, here I am wondering how a guy with the name "Ivory White" could possibly get any more awesome?

Easy, rock some dreads like these and you're well on your way. Seriously, this hairdo is awesome. Pure, concentrated awesome. Is it an afro? No, not exactly. Are they dreadlocks? no, not that either. Instead it's an awesome combination of two equally-awesome hair styles. This may be the only time all year you read about Alabama State, so make sure you take notice.

Jordan Bachynski, Arizona State

Like if it weren't already bad enough that he's a goofy white seven-footer who plays on one of the worst BCS-conference teams in the country. Nope, Bachynski had to go out and rock one of the ugliest looking mop-tops in recent history.

If he wasn't seven feet tall, I'm sure he would fit right in with all the Kid Cudi-listening, lax penny wearing bros chillin' on the quad playing hacky-sack. It would not surprise me at all if we were to learn that Bachynski is also the chairmen of the ASU chapter of The Young Republicans Club.

And, on top of all that, it turns out that Bachynski is also a member of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints. Now, that's not an issue at all. Except, well, I thought "long hair" was one of the things forbidden by the religion, you know, up there with caffeine, 64-bit gaming systems, premarital sex, driving sports cars and foods with artificial flavoring.....

Honorable Mention: Skylar McBee, Tennessee

Jimmy Williams, North Florida

This hairdo hasn't been seen in the sports world since The Rock left pro wrestling in order to make sub-par Disney movies. But hey, good for him. In 15 years, he'll still be making crappy movies (Read: Millions of dollars) while a bunch of his former co-workers will be in rehab units getting fed via plastic tubes....

Anyways, this really is an awesome look. I'm not sure what it is, but there's something about that smooth transition from scalp-to-sideburns-to facial hair going on in this look. Williams has since gone to a more conservative look, but if he ever decides to grow it out again, a bevy of post-dunk celebrations would become available.

Royce White, Iowa State

There may not be a single player in the country who is as important towards his team's success as Iowa State' Royce White. Seriously, take him away from the Cyclones, and what are they?

Sure, White has had his problems in the past, but there is no denying that the power forward is having a superstar-year. And what better way to emerge as a burgeoning superstar than rocking some ridiculous (and I mean RIDICULOUS) hairdos. First he went with the homage to "Nino Brown", a bleach-glazed mini-afro which, to be honest, was not his best look. Some guys would have stopped there, but White took it to a whole new level.

He took his already-bleached hair and dyed it bright red, then decided to shave all but the middle, leaving nothing but a thick strip of red mowhawk running down his scalp. Apparently, it's called "The Cy-Hawk" and he decided to do it as a form of school spirit, which wouldn't be the first time he showed off his school spirit. Nonetheless, this is a truly unique hairdo. You can love it or hate it, but you have to respect his moxy.

Tyler Lamb, UCLA

Quick. I need a Jon Rothstein-like comparison for Tyler Lamb right away. Take a look at the picture and tell me who you see:

If you said "So much Terrence Howard from 'Hustle & Flow' in Tyler Lamb", you win.....well nothing, but you do end up on the same page as I.

In fact, you aren't the only one who agrees with me. Go and do a Google Images search for "Tyler Lamb UCLA". One of the first results that comes up is a black-and-white photo of Little Richard.....

I'm just going to end on that right there, because it's little things like this which makes life worth living.

Matt Stainbrook, Western Michigan

Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes and Yes.

This. Is. Awesome.

He'd be a member of the All-McDonald's American Team, the All-Swag Team, and well, the All-Hair Team. Big fella not only rocks the mop-top, but dons the turtle-neck AND rec-specs. I'm just at a loss for words. Go read what Luke Winn has to say about big slim right here, he's much better at writing than I am.

Honorable Mention: Michael Sanchez, Arkansas

Demetrius Walker, New Mexico

If you are a fan of collegiate sports at all, then you should know this kid's story. He was the first passenger on the post-LeBron hype-train, A Sports Illustrated cover boy, the next "All-Everything". But again, you already knew that. So fast-forward to the present day, and you can find Walker rocking a solid hi-top fade for the New Mexico Lobos.

Now, we've certainly seen better hi-top-fades, (See: 2011 Scotty Hopson), but for a guy who has been in front of such a bright spotlight, only to be buried deep in the background, it's nice to see him stand out for something unique.

Honorable Mention: Ryan Evans, Wisconsin

Jordair Jett, St. Louis

OK. So, your name is Jordair Jett. Yeah, you're parents decided to name you Jordair, and your last name is Jett. Everyone at school looks at your during roll call. The teachers chuckle when they announce your name. Public recognition is always awkward. So what do you do in order to take some of the attention away from your ridiculous name? Simple, grow ridiculous dreadlocks. If the kids are going to stare at you, might as well have them take a good look.

Seriously, dude looks like he should be filling in for Coolio at MTV's Spring Break 1995. Jett has been a viable spark plug for the Billikens, who still seem to be in the mix for an at-large bid or potentially the A-10 championship. It would be a huge shame if March Madness is void of Jordair Jett. Whether for his hair or his name, this guy needs to get some publicity.

Honorable Mention: Jesse Perry, Arizona; Josh Davis, Tulane

Levi Randolph, Alabama

I don't think you can possibly find a current college basketball player that has a more-feminine look than Alabama freshman Levi Randolph. Now that's no knock on Levi himself. I'm sure he's a good dude, masculine and all the stuff, but this hairdo just doesn't suite him. Hell, it doesn't suit anyone.

I've seen Alabama play a lot this year, and I swear to God, every time I watch them play, I have to remind myself that Randolph is in fact a dude, and I am in fact watching men's basketball. It does get difficult, because, well, Alabama is averaging less points per game than a marginal women's team.

Seriously, He could pass as a stunt-double for Brittney Griner.

Honorable Mention: Freddie Riley, UMass; Martez Harris, UT-Martin

Marquavese Ford, Northern Illinois

What's with all these "All-Name Teamers" rockin' sick hair-swag? If they would have just let me known, i could have consolidated my work and made one extensive list. Regardless, Marq (I'm going to start calling him "Marq" because typing "Marquavese" all the time gets strenuous) has some unique threads. And by "unique", I clearly mean "Looks like basket-weaving" or "something you'd find on a sailboat".

Carl Hall, Wichita State

Does the NCAA forbid the use of a "skullcap" during game play? Because, well, Wichita State's Hall could definitely benefit from it. More to the point, Hall's opponents could benefit from it. Sure, Under Armor probably doesn't make a "skull cap" big enough to fit around all these dreadlocks. I mean, look at this picture. really take a good look at it. It's sheer chaos. How does he control all of it? There's just so much hair. It looks like he bunches it all up and hopes it stays in one place.

Dominique Morrison, Oral Roberts

You probably don't know a lot about Dominique Morrison, and that's a damn shame. "DoMo" is one of the most underrated and under-appreciated forwards in the country. His jumper is silky-smooth, he can handle the ball with ease and has solid post skills. He's also just an all-around great-guy. But since he goes to Oral Roberts and plays in the Summit League, you probably don't know a lot about him. So now is your chance. I mean, wouldn't you want to know more about a guy with a luscious mane like that? I know I would.

Plus, the mustache just makes everything so much better. I don't think there is a player in the country with more voluminous hair than "DoMo". If there is, I'd really like to see what it looks like.

Honorable Mention: Terran Petteway, Texas Tech; Johnny O'Bryant, LSU

Angelo Chol, Arizona

Chol is one of the most fearsome-looking guys in the country. There aren't many guys who sport a meaner-mug than him, and his choice of hairdo has a lot to do with it. Guys with long hair don't tend to evoke fear. Sure there are exceptions (Jae Crowder, Marquette), but on a whole, long hair just isn't all that frightening. But short, stubby dreadlocks? They look like thorn-bushes. Have you even looked at a thorn bush and thought "Wow, I would really like to stick an appendage in there"? Didn't think so.

Mike Wilder, UC-Irvin

Last, and certainly not least, is "Mr. All-Hair-Team Himself" Mike Wilder. No collection of awesome college basketball hair would be complete without recognition of Wilder's tremendous afro. It's the best afro in sports. Period. It's thick, it's luscious, it's flawlessly-perfect and perfectly-flawless.

I'm going to stop typing so you can just soak it all in. It's magnificent.

Honorable Mention: Andre Coimbra, Central Michigan

So there you have it. An in-depth look at some of the best hairdos in college hoops this season. But my work isn't done. I know there are dome-pieces out there I haven't seen yet. If you have noticed a bizarre hairdo, or if something catches your eye during a game, hit up @BIAHTroyMachir or email us at contactBIAH@gmail.com


MadTown Badgers said...

no Ryan Evans from Wisconsin? How can a man that rocks the Gumby not be on this list?

Troy Machir said...

Ryan Evans got Honorable Mention. He was documented in the '09-'10 edition and the '10-'11 edition.

We needed a fresh face to represent the Hi-Top.

Anonymous said...

No Jorge Gutierrez?