Monday, October 24, 2011

2011-2012 B.I.A.H All-Name Team

The day you've all been waiting for is finally here.

Today is the day we release the world-renowned B.I.A.H college basketball All-Name Teams. We here at Ballin' is a Habit pride ourselves on researching material that not only wastes time but proves to be completely unnecessary. This year's selection had over 1,000 candidates, from UConn to Southeast Missouri State, and every college in between.

Who will be this year's SirValiant Brown? The next God Shamgod? After the jump, you will find the best 100+ names in college basketball.

But before you click, be on the look out for our 2011-2012 Top-50 "Namesmith Award" Watch List. This brand new award will be handed out to the player whose performance during the season best helps promote the popularity of their awesome name.

2010-2011 B.I.A.H All-Name-Teams
2009-2010 B.I.A.H All-Name-Teams

B.I.A.H All-Name Team, First Team
Orion Outterbridge, Rhode Island
Claybrin McMath, Bryant
Jordair Jett, St. Louis
Four McGlynn, Vermont
Indiana Faithfull, Wofford

B.I.A.H All-Name Team, Second Team
Kidani Brutus, Manhattan
Jabs Newby, Eastern Kentucky
Deuce Bello, Baylor
Elhanen Bone, North Carolina-Greensboro
Bubu Palo, Iowa State

B.I.A.H All-Name Team, Third Team
Deverin Muff, Eastern Kentucky
Finis Craddock, Central Michigan
Jawanza Poland, South Florida
Adonis Burbage, Central Connecticut State
Staats Battles, North Carolina State

B.I.A.H All-Name Team, Fourth Team
Grandy Glaze, St. Louis
Delbert Love, Kennesaw State
Storm Clonch, Binghamton
Blaise Ffrench, St. Peter's
Scooter Gillette, Niagara

B.I.A.H All-Name Team, Honorable Mention
Onochie Ochie, Southeastern Louisiana
Charlon Kloof, St. Bonaventure
Lincoln Vorba, Drake
Festus Ezeli, Vanderbilt
Tawaski King, Western Carolina
Trinity Fields, Iona
Galal Cancer, Cornell
Hippolyte Tsafack, Memphis
Marcellus Barkdale, IUPUI
Rakeem Christmas, Syracuse
Kiwi Gardner, Providence
Hooper Vint, UTEP
Antuan Bootle, Sam Houston State
Bak Bak, California
Beau Levesque, Saint Mary's
JayDee Luster, Wyoming
Myles Loving, Texas Southern

But that's not all. With over 3,000 D-I basketball players in the country, you know we couldn't pass up the chance to mention some classic names parenting gaffs

All That's-Not-a-Real-Name Team, First Team
Dundrecous Nelson, Ole Miss
Flenard Whitfeld, Western Michigan
Gelaun Wheelwright, Weber State
Mardracus Wade, Arkansas
Savalance Townsend, Arkansas-Pine Bluff

All That's-Not-a-Real-Name Team, Second Team
Alwayne Bigby, Northeastern
Nurideen Lindsey, St. Johns
DeMetrice Jacobs, Northwestern State
Keithtrick Denson, Texas Southern
Alandise Harris, Houston

All That's-Not-a-Real-Name Team, Third Team
Crandall Head, Illinois
Marqavese Ford, Northern Illinois
Corderio Maclin, Tennessee-Martin
Dyami Starks, Bryant
Kraidon Woods, Drake

All That's-Not-a-Real-Name Team, Fourth Team
Delwan Graham, Jacksonville
Falando Jones, Mississippi Valley State
Dartaye Ruffin, Drexel
Lazabian Jackson, Arkansas-Pine Bluff
Julysses Nobles, Arkansas

First Team All-Alliteration
Blondi Baruti, Tulsa
Hector Harold, Pepperdine
Gideon Gamble, Winthrop
Jernard Jereau, Washington
Peter Pappageorge, Long Beach State

Second Team All-Alliteration
Vertrail Vaughns, George Mason
Colton Christian, Michigan
Davonte Drinkard, Southern Illinois
Mackey McKnight, Lehigh
Mathis Monninghoff, Gonzaga

Third Team All-Alliteration
Anell Alexis, Marist
Preston Purifoy, UAB
Delino Dear, Toledo
Stallon Saldivar, Northern Arizona
Paris Paramore, Central Michigan

Fourth Team All-Alliteration
Sheridan Shayne, Idaho
Reyshawn Rembert, East Tennessee State
Orin O'Bryant, Hampton
Cannen Cunningham, SMU
Dustin Dibble, UMKC

(Go to any Delta Delta house at Vanderbilt or Clemson and you're bound to find the following names, decked out in Vinyard Vines pants, oxford shirts, and croakies, while drinking a Natty Light out of a coozie)

First Team All-SEC-Frathouse
Hugh Greenwood, New Mexico
Carson DeRosiers, Wake Forest
Keifer Sykes, Wisconsin-Green Bay
Keegan Hornbuckle, UC-Santa Barbara
Logan Aronhalt, Albany

Second Team All-SEC-Frathouse
Paxson Guest, Northwestern State
Mitch Wilmer, North Dakota
Maxwell Lenox, Army
Tristan Spurlock, Central Florida
Bryson Triggs, Nicholls State

Third Team All-SEC-Frathouse
Jud Dillard, Tennessee Tech
John Caleb Sanders, Liberty
Garrick Sherman, Notre Dame
Colt Ryan, Evansville
Caleb Ashcraft, Tennessee Martin

First Team All-Gender-Confusion
Kim English, Missouri
Elisha Justice, Louisville
Hilary Haley, Maryland-Eastern Shore
Leslie McDonald, North Carolina
Shannon Scott, Ohio State

Second Team All-Gender-Confusion
Courtney Austin, Southern Utah
Stacey Poole, Kentucky
Tracy O'Neal, North Carolina Central
Torrey Craig, USC-Upstate
Caitlin Baciu, Clemson

(For this next team, use the following phrase, along with the player's last name. That's how you'll know he's All-Name-worthy: "Umm...I guess I'll have a plate of the _____________")

First Team All-Sounds-Like-a-Food
Clint Steindl, Saint Mary's
James Fraschilla, Oklahoma
Ryan Quigtar, Miami (Fl)
Paul Gombwer, Charleston Southern
Kader Tapsoda, Texas Tech

Second Team All-Sounds-Like-a-Food
Evan Smotrycz, Michigan
Djibril Coulibaly, Manhattan
Jeremiah Samarrippas, SMU
Tyler Pontichelli, Brown
Kevin Canitol, Florida-Gulf Coast

(This next team is similar to the previous one, except this time, use the phrase: "Oh Man, I think I got a case of (the) _____________")

First Team All-Sounds-Like-a-Disease
James Loupus, Navy
Tim Abromaitis, Notre Dame
Roy Ghantous, George Washington
Nate Basaglya, UMBC
Jimmie Duplessis, Prairie View A&M

Second Team All-Sounds-Like-a-Disease
Mitch Asmus, Dayton
Evan Bruinsma, Detroit
Domas Rinksalis, Wofford
Brock Zylstra, BYU
Levan Shengalia, Rhode Island

First Team All-Appostrophe
De'End Parker, UCLA
Ja'Rob MaCallum, Milwaukee
Ge'Lawn Guyn, Cincinnati
Pe'Shon Howard, Maryland
Pi'I Minns, Hawaii

Second Team All-Appostrophe
De'Mon Brooks, Davidson
J'Covan Brown, Texas
Al'Lonzo Coleman, Presbyterian
J'Hared Hall, Loyola (Md)
Drake U'u, Cal-Poly

First Team All-Hyphen
Corey Raley-Ross, Buffalo
Rafeal Rojas-Reyes, Air Force
Dyricus Symmes-Edwards, Bradley
Kentavious Caldwell-Pope, Georgia
John Hayward-Mayhew, Cal State-Northridge

Second Team All-Hyphen
Darius Johnson-Odom, Marquette
Dexter Kernick-Drew, Washington State
Laval Lucas-Perry, Oakland
Shane Harris-Tunks, Colorado
Alexander Scotland-Williamson, UAB

All-Make-Up-Your-Mind-Team, First Team
Brockeith Payne, Utah State
Chrishawn Hopkins, Butler
JayVaughn Pinkston, Villanova
Markeith Cummings, Kennesaw State
RayVonte Rice, Drake

All-Make-Up-Your-Mind-Team, Second Team
KenDerek Washington, Alabama State
Santoine Butler, Gardner-Webb
JohnMark Ludwick, William & Mary
Dondre Wise, Arizona
Rayshawn Goins, James Madison

All-Misspelled-Team, First Team
Donivine Stewart, Bradley
Erique Gumbs, Towson
Karee Ferguson, St. Peter's
Morece Isaac, St. Fracis (Pa)
Raymoan McAfee, Bethune-Cookman

All-Misspelled-Team, Second Team
Markus Duran, Pacific
Kregg Jones, Cal State-Bakersfield
Konner Veteto, Sacramento State
Zavier Sanders, Eastern Illinois
Jermol Paul, Stetson

First Team All-Two First Names
Derek Craig, Georgia Tech
Jack Ryan, Stanford
Mike Scott, Virginia
Sam Mike, Georgia Southern
Michael Eric, Temple

Second Team All-Two-First-Names
Greg Travis, Illinois-Chicago
Miguel Paul, East Carolina
Dan Kenny, Mt. St. Mary's
Curtis Dennis, Toledo
Arnold Louis, Savannah State

(There are some names that are better off being said than written. The following is a list of those names just that roll off tongue smoothly)

Names that just sound funny to say, Team One
Assane Sene, Virginia
Toddrick Gotcher, Texas Tech
Eddie Odio, Boston College
Mamadou Datt, Duquesne
Joel Vander Pol, Liberty

Names That Just Sound Funny, Team Two
Ben Aird, Utah Valley
Matt Sauey, North Florida
Sei Paye, Texas-San Antonio
Nick Kitcoff, IUPUI
Will Brew, UC-Santa Baraba

(Some players were blessed with the gift of a fantastic last name. Unfortunately, they were also blessed with parents with no creativity. Nonetheless, there are some last names that just can't go unnoticed, no matter how boring their first name is)

Dwight Tarwater, Cornell
John Peckinpaugh, IPFW
Joe Goydish, Georgia Southern
Corey Wickware, SIU-Edwardsville
Rodney Clinkscales, SMU

Second Team All-Awesome-Last-Name-Team
Corey Littlejohn, UNC-Asheville
Jared Swopshire, Louisville
Keith Shamburger, San Jose State
Steve Tchiengang, Vanderbilt
Christian Standhardinger, Hawaii

First Team All-Prefix
LeBryan Nash, Oklahoma State
TyQuane Goard, Ohio
DuShawn Brooks, Youngstown State
DeCarlos Anderson, Manhattan
JaMychal Green, Alabama

All-Initials Team
D.C. Gaitley, Fordham
G.J. Vilarino, Appalachian State
L.C. Doss, Eastern Illinois
K.C. Caudill, Boston College
O.D. Anosike, Siena

Brian Bryant, Mississippi State
Luke Loucks, Florida State
Ella Ellis, Army
Andrew Andrews, Washington
Marc Mark, Bethune-Cookman

Olek Czyz, Nevada
Vladyslov Kondratyev, Bryant
Kristers Zeidaks, Mississippi State
Nick Niemczyk, Southeast Missouri State
Xavier Bazile, Idaho

First Team All-NBA
Shawn Kemp Jr., Washington
Glenn Rice Jr., Georgia Tech
Tim Hardaway Jr., Michigan State
Reggie Lewis, Florida A&M
Avery Johnson, San Francisco

Second Team All-NBA
A.J Price, Texas-San Antonio
Terrence Williams, Charlotte
Dee Brown, Bowling Green
Marcus Thornton, William & Mary
Derrick Williams, Richmond

All-NFL Team
Chris Collinsworth, BYU
Alex Smith, Bethune-Cookman
David Carr, Portland
Shannon Sharpe, Colorado
Chad Johnson, Rutgers

All-Coaches-and-Owners Team
Jerry Jones, Duquesne
Ralph Wilson, Alabama State
Larry Brown, Winthrop
Mark Jackson, Louisville

All-Not-That-Celebrity Team
Tim Meadows, Prarie View A&;M
Sean Carter, Umass
Steve Forbes, Stetson
Brian Williams, Jacksonville State
Chris Brown, Oregon State

All-Other-Sports-Stars Team
Matt Morgan, Winthrop (TNA Wrestler)
Colby Lewis, Charlotte (Texas Rangers Pitcher)
Reggie Jackson, UC-Riverside (Mr. October)
Tim Thomas, Pacific (Boston Bruins Goalie)
Marcus Davis, Houston Baptist (former-UFC Welterweight fighter)

Vander Blue, Marquette
Okaro White, Florida
Kauri Black, Northeastern
Rion Brown, Miami (Fl)
Garlon Green, TCU

Denver Holmes, Evansville
Dallas Ouano, Villanova
Cleveland Melvin, DePaul
Conroy Baltimore, Lehigh
Montreal Scott, Prairie View A&M

Joab Jerome, Winthrop
Isaiah Canaan, Murray State
Genesis Maciel, Hartford
God's Gift Achiuwa, St. John's
Ephraim Ekanem, Northern Arizona


Eric (Extra P.) said...

Looks like I chose the wrong day to quit sniffing glue, and start my All-Name Team. The field is yours, sir.

Anonymous said...

Must add Yale freshman Armani Cotton.

Jim Les said...

Shayok Shayok of Bradley needs to be on this list somewhere.

Anonymous said...

Where's Vermont's Clancy Rugg? He's still got two years left.