Projecting the Future: The 2011 Draft Class in 2016

It was a weak draft. It had no all-stars. It was the worst draft in NBA history. yada-yada-yada.

Say what you will about the 2011 NBA draft, but since the upcoming season is still in doubt, it is hard to project how this draft class will turn out. But we here at B.I.A.H pride ourselves on going the extra mile, and fighting for every inch. So instead of projecting how this draft class will pan out in 12 months, we are taking a five-year look-forward-look-back at the 2011 NBA Draft class. The accuracy of these projections is questionable at best, but the entertainment value can not be understated.

So read ahead and enjoy our yearbook-esque "In Five Years" look at the 2011 NBA Draft Class.

#1 Cleveland Cavaliers: Kyrie Irving, Duke

Kyrie Irving will spend five mediocre seasons averaging 12-points and four assists for a mediocre Cleveland team. He will then leave the mediocre state of Ohio via free agency in a mediocre publicity stunt called "The Announcement" held on Ustream by mediocre "video-vixen" @RealMissHawaii. Kyrie's toe will achieve much greater success, as it is inducted into the athletic Hall of Fame at UNC-Chapel Hill in the Spring of 2014.


#2 Minnesota Timberwolves: Derrick Williams, Arizona

Williams will be the first player from this draft to play in an All-Star game. Unfortunately, it will go largely unnoticed in the state of Minnesota, where most fans will still be under the impression that he is a one of the nine defensive tackles for the Minnesota Vikings with the last name Williams.


#3 Utah Jazz: Enes Kanter, Kentucky

The Mormon nation of Utah will deem Kanter ineligible to participate in the state due to his affiliation with John Calipari. However, Kanter will have to most productive career out of anyone in this class. He will just have to find an organization willing to let him participate.


#4 Cleveland Cavaliers: Tristan Thompson, Texas

There must be a reason why the Cavs took Thompson so high. Hopefully five years is enough time for us to figure out why they did. But in all seriousness, next too Zydrunas Ilgauskas, Thompson will be the best foreigner ever drafted by the Cavaliers (He's Canadian).


#5 Toronto Raptors: Jonas Valanciunas, Lithuania

Valanciunas is a key-cog for the Raptors towards the end of the decade. Unfortunately, the Raptors will still stink and they will still play in Toronto, where nobody gives a crap about basketball. But in hindsight, the Raptors made a good pick in the first round of the 2011 NBA Draft.


#6 Washington Wizards: Jan Vesely, Czech Republic

In five years Vesely's career highlight will be one of two things: 1) The first European to win a NBA Slam dunk contest, 2) His epic makeout session with Mrs. Central Europe 2011 in the NBA draft Green Room.


#7 Sacramento Kings: Bismack Biyombo, The Republic of Congo (Traded to Charlotte)

Like many Bobcats first round selections, he will get traded no less than three times in three years, finally landing in Memphis, where he becomes a halfway-decent starting forward. However, officials find out that Biyombo was 27 years old when he was drafted, instead of 18 as draft reports indicated. His knees start to deteriorate and is out of the League before 2016. He uses his NBA earnings to help raise the quality of living in his home country of Congo.


#8 Detroit Pistons: Brandon Knight, Kentucky

Knight will be one of the names you remember from this draft class. He will spend 2-3 unhappy years with the Pistons before Dwight Howard will announce his intentions to stay in Orlando, and the Magic will trade their spare parts to Detroit for Greg Monroe and Knight. Orlando makes it to the the NBA Finals in 2014 with Knight as the team's starting point guard.


#9 Charlotte Bobcats: Kemba Walker, UConn

In five years, Walker will be the only first-rounder from this class to win an NBA Championship. In his third season, he will lead the Bobcats to the playoffs for the first time since 2009. Like he did so often in college, Kemba will "Go Ham", averaging 23 ppg, 8 apg, 5 rpg, and 3 spg en route to the organization's first Championship. Oh yeah, they will do it by going a perfect 16-0 in the post-season. This will give Walker a post-season record of 28-0 since 2010.


#10 Milwaukee Bucks: Jimmer Fredette, BYU (Traded to Sacramento)

Jimmer will be a life-long King. His arrival will be a blessing for the city of Sacramento. The team's attendance will steadily increase, as will their popularity amongst the Mormon community. In future year's they will refer to Jimmer as "The Man That Saved Sacramento". By 2013, Sacremento will trail only Salt Lake City in number of Mormon residents. By his fifth year, Jimmer will be the NBA leader in jersey sales and number of offspring. He will win the 2014 and 2015 NBA Three Point contest, forcing the NBA to added a second line to the court, which will be referred to as "From beyond Jimmer range". Shots from here are worth four points.


#11 Golden State Warriors: Klay Thompson, Washington State

Two scenarios for Thompson in five years: 1) The tides turn in the West. The Lakers, Spurs, Suns and Mavericks fall to the back of the pack and teams like the Warriors, Clippers, Thunder and Blazers become the cream of the crop. Thompson will be a key contributor for the Warriors, who make consecutive playoff runs for the first time since the 80s. 2) Thompson takes full advantage of California's marijuana legalization, becomes good friends with Snoop Dogg and Katt Williams, but ends up getting traded...to the Nuggets or Blazers.


#12 Utah Jazz: Alec Burks, Colorado

Burks will become one of the better players from this draft class. Teamed with Enes Kanter, Al Jefferson, Paul Milsaps, Devon Harris and Harrison Barnes, who they will draft in the first round of the 2012 draft, the Jazz will become one of the best teams in the West. They will make it to two consecutive Western Conference finals, but will come up short, causing the organization to do an unnecessary overhaul of the team. Burks will get traded to Denver, where he will become a fan-favorite.


#13 Phoenix Suns: Markieff Morris, Kansas

After a brief stint in Phoenix's version of the Big-3, known as "The Brothers From Another Mother" featuring Taylor Griffin and Brooke Lopez, 'Kieff will leave Phoenix in order to be closer to his brother Marcus. Unfortunately for him, this comes in the form of a D-League contract with the Austin Toros.


#14 Houston Rockets: Marcus Morris, Kansas

Marcus will have a lengthy pro career in which he spends the majority of his time in Houston. in 2016, he will have played 342 NBA games. However, 78 of those games will be played by his brother Markieff, unbeknowst to Rockets fans or League officials.


#15 Indiana Pacers: Kawhi Leonard, San Diego State (Traded to San Antonio)

Kawhi Leonard will make it eventually. He will continue to improve on a year-to-year basis. He will never be an All-Star, and will never win any individual accolades, but he will be a starter for a NBA team at some point or another. It's not the sexiest "Five Years From Now" prediction, but well, the dude will still be in the League. And that can't be said for everybody in this draft.


#16 Philadelphia 76ers: Nicola Vucevic, Southern California

Vucevic will have a much better career than people expected. He will be part of the 2011-2012 Rookies vs. Sophomores game at All-Star weekend and will be a surprise candidate for Rookie of the Year. But a few years into his young career, he will get into an altercation with a fan. (The details are sketchy, but Ric Flair-style knife-edge chops were involved), The Philly Phaithful will chase Vucevic out of town. He will fail to regain the form that brought him success in Philly, and will be on his way out of the league by 2016.


#17 New York Knicks: Iman Shumpert, Georgia Tech

Shumpert does not last long in New York City. Not even a cameo in a Spike Lee joint can save him from the enraged Knicks fans He ends up finishing his first contract in in Oklahoma City, New Orleans or Brooklyn, as part of a large trade that gives the Knicks a superstar point guard.


#18 Washington Wizards: Chris Singleton, Florida State

Singleton will become a long-term pro because of his defense. He will be nothing more than a stopper, as his offensive game will not improve playing next to ballhogs like JaVale McGee and Andray Blatche. But Singleton will have had moderate success by 2016, which will make New York Knicks fans even more irate at Iman Shumpert.


#19 Charlotte Bobcats: Tobias Harris, Tennessee (Traded to Milwaukee)

Say hello to the 2011-2012 Rookie of the Year. Yup that's right, Tobias Harris won the 2011-2012 Rookie of the Year Award. The Bucks will be a top-5 team in the east and compete for the Central Division title on a yearly basis with the Chicago Bulls. Harris will become the face of the "NBA Cares" program, spending time starting water balloon fights with underprivileged teens in the greater-Milwaukee area.


#20 Minnesota Timberwolves: Donatas Montiejunas, Lithuania (Traded to Houston)

In 2016, Montiejunas will be on a NBA roster, and here's how it happens. He will have stayed in Europe for the 2011-2012 season, then played a starring role for the Lithuanian National Team that wins the Bronze Medal at the 2012 Summer Olympics in London. in 2013, he's touted as the next Arvydas Sabonis. After a successful "rookie" season a la Louis Sciola, he gets traded to Oklahoma City. But like Sabonis, he's already old (21 in 2011) and has the knees of a 50-year old. He finishes out his "career" on the pine.


#21 Portland Trailblazers: Nolan Smith, Duke

Smith spends two seasons in Portland as a moderately-used backup guard. But he will ultimately end up where all the prolific, well-known college players of the last decade end up: As a member of the Indiana Pacers.


#22 Denver Nuggets: Kenneth Faried, Morehead State

Unfortunatly for professional scouts and draftniks, Faried is not the next Dennis Rodman. He becomes an excellent "energy guy" but that is about it. Luckily, he is paired together with Denver's other "energy guy", Chris "The Birdman" Anderson. The two join forces to form a tag team known as "High Voltage". They become spokeman for various local companies. Fried chicken throughout Denver is renamed "Faried Chicken".


#23 Houston Rockets: Nikola Mirotic, Montenegro (Traded to Minnesota, then to Chicago)

Do you remember the last native of Montenegro to get drafted? You know, that guy who got picked between LeBron and Carmello? Well, things don't end up much better for Mirotic. Picked No. 23rd overall, Mirotic is the first member of the 2011 draft class to crash and burn. In five seasons he plays a total of 26 games for six different teams. He ends up having a hot girlfriend, but that's about it.


#24 Oklahoma City Thunder: Reggie Jackson, Boston College

Jackson becomes the full-time starter for the Thunder after an locker room altercation takes place between him and Russell Westbrook. The Thunder cut ties with Westbrook, and Jackson goes on to make one all-star game as a reserve. He also becomes the second player from the draft to win a title, as the Thunder defeat the Orlando Magic in the 2015 NBA Finals.


#25 Boston Celtics: Marshon Brooks, Providence (Traded to New Jersey)

In 2016, Brooks will be a member of the Brooklyn Nets and will average just under 6ppg. He will have set a D-League single game record, dropping 94 points against the Maine Red Claws in 2013. The following year, he's a reserve player for Nets but also starts a brand of low-price alcoholic energy drinks with Net's co-owner Jay-Z. A year after that, he's engaged to Kim Kardashian.


#26 Dallas Mavericks: Jordan Hamilton, Texas (Traded to Denver)

Hamilton plays five games for the Mavericks and a full-season in the D-League before he realizes the NBA is no place for an uncoachable forward who can't shoot and won't play defense. He ends up in Italy, not playing defense and missing shots, but making good money.


#27 New Jersey Nets: Ja'Juan Johnson, Purdue (Traded to Boston)

In five years Ja'Juan Johnson will be be solid every-day NBA player. But he will have taken five years worth of Kevin Garnett nut-shots, politically-incorrect statements and general douchebaggery in order to get there.


#28 Chicago Bulls: Norris Cole, Cleveland State (Traded to Minnesota, then to Miami)

By 2016, Norris Cole will have a solid role on one of the top teams in the Eastern Conference. Cole will make it to the NBA Finals six, seven or maybe even eight times in his career. Unfortunately Lebron James will play hide-and-seek during the fourth quarter every time.


#29 San Antonio Spurs: Corey Joseph, Texas

Corey Joseph will be the second of three Texas players taken in this draft to be out of the league with-in five years. After what seems like a decade worth of great late-first-round draft picks, the Spurs draft an absolute bust. But as a consolation prize, Joseph will become the leading scorer on the Canadian National team.


#30 Chicago Bulls: Jimmy Butler, Marquette

Jimmy Butler will have a longer NBA career than 96% of the first round picks taken in this draft. His stats will not not be overwhelming but his presence on the court and in the locker room will be. Multiple teams will be upset that they a) drafted a European and b) passed on Butler.