Tuesday, March 30, 2010

Mascot Madness: Round of 32 (Midwest and West)

One of the great things about March Madness is that there are so many small-name teams that you have never heard of playing on the big stage. What makes this so great is that with 314 possible contestants, we are bound to have a handful of interesting nickname/mascot combinations in the tournament year in and year out.

After all, isn't that what you look forward to the most? Spending Thursday afternoon watching The same old plain-Jane blue-and-white Kentucky Wildcats battle The silver-green-and-red Highlanders of East Western Poly Tech State?

It is common knowledge that we here at BIAH are the leaders in unnecessary college basketball information. Since we have this 64-team bracket in-front of us, we decided to try and determine the best mascot in March Madness.

Each day we will reveal a new portion of our bracket, leading up to the Championship game on April 5th, when we determine the best mascot in the 2010 NCAA Tournament.

Round of 32 (Midwest and West)

Midwest Bracket

#1 Kansas Jayhawks vs. #9 UNLV Runnin' Rebels

The only #1 seed to advance to the second round faces off against Yosemite Sam's rifle club. This game turns into target practice for the Rebels. All jays, hawks and jayhawks in the Midwest are shot on sight. The feathers are saved and used for Las Vegas showgirl pasties.

Winner - #9 UNLV Runnin' Rebels

#4 Maryland Terrapins vs. #5 Michigan State Spartans

It is King Izzo and his legion of Spartans versus the Under Armour Ninja Turtles in an epic second-round battle. The Spartans scream "THIS IS SPARTA!", to which the Terrapins reply "WE MUST PROTECT THIS HOUSE!" Master Gary has taught his team well, and the "heros in a half-shell" defend the mighty Spartan attack. The turtles use their patented "double-buzzer-beater" to squeak out a close victory over the much stronger, more aggressive Michigan State team. Terps win, and do indeed protect this house. King Leonidis is forced to do the "Greivis Shimmy".

Winner - #4 Maryland Terrapins

#3 Georgetown Hoyas vs. #11 San Diego State Aztecs

Whatever a Hoya is, it's unable to do any damage to the mighty Aztec nation. The black-and-red natives scalp the entire Young Republicans Club then proceed to march down Pennsylvania Avenue protesting against immigration laws.

Winner - San Diego State Aztecs

#10 Georgia Tech Yellow Jackets vs. #15 UC-Santa Barbara Gauchos

"Gaucho" is such a kick-ass word. It sounds eerily similar to the first name the Marx brother and it is also a style of bizarre women's fashion. The Yellow Jackets face a team of cowboys for the second straight round, but as it is a well-known fact that once a bee stings, it loses it's stinger and is unable to sting again, eventually dying. Gauchos prosper and move on to the Sweet Sixteen.

Winner - #15 UC-Santa Barbara Gauchos

West Bracket

#9 Florida State Seminoles vs. #16 Vermont Catamounts

Seminoles are native to only a few portions of Florida, while the Catamounts (or mountain lions) can be found in a wide-range of habitats across North America. FSU shows an inability to perform in a neutral wilderness, and thus the Mary-Jane mountain lions pull off back-to-back upsets to advance to the Sweet Sixteen.

Winner - #16 Vermont Catamounts

#4 Vanderbilt Commodores vs. #12 UTEP Miners

This one is over quickly when Cornelius Vanderbilt purchases all the diamond mines in West Africa. Derrick Caracter bolts, the labor union disbands and all the miners die from malaria. The Commodores are able to replace miners with trained chimpanzees and avoid the recession.

Winner - #4 Vanderbilt Commodores

#6 Xavier Musketeers vs. #14 Oakland Golden Grizzlies

Methinks a man with a fancy sword stands little chance against a metallic ursine. The X-men hang around for a while, swinging back-and-forth on a chandelier, before one paw swipe rips off the eyes, ears, nose, mouth and pencil-thin mustache of D'artagnan, the loyal Muskie mascot. The Grizz lumber into the Sweet Sixteen.

Winner - #14 Oakland Golden Grizzlies

#10 Florida Gators vs. #15 North Texas Mean Green

Alligators are mean and green, but we all know everything is bigger in Texas. Tim Tebow goes door-to-door in hopes of converting the opponents to Gator-dom, but is unsuccessful. Whatever this mean green thing is, it's nasty. Not even a lineup including Teddy DuPay, Jason Williams, and Joakim Noah can stop the Mean green team formerly known as the Eagles.

Winner - #15 North Texas Mean Green

Next Round: Sweet-16

Midwest Bracket
#4 Maryland Terrapins vs. #9 UNLV Runnin' Rebels
#11 San Diego State Aztecs vs. #15 UC-Santa Barbara Gauchos

West Bracket
#4 Vanderbilt Commodores vs. #16 Vermont Catamounts
#14 Oakland Golden Grizzlies vs. #15 North Texas Mean Green

Up Next:
Round of 32 (East and South)

1 comment:

Andrew Reuss said...

another big win for VT...it's pretty hard to stop a wild pack of Mountain Lions...that's for sure...#UVM