Saturday, June 26, 2010

The BIAH NBA Draft Diary

Scott Klatzkin is an occasional contributor to BIAH. He was kind enough to put together a draft diary for us and, well, its pretty damn hilarious. Scott won the 2009 Delaware sportscaster of the year award (seriously), but after reading this diary, you may question what 1290 The Ticket was thinking when they hired him.

Ever since I was a little kid, I have always been intrigued by the NBA Draft. It’s a moment in time where you can watch the lives of 18-22 year olds change for the better live on television. I remember watching the 1994 NBA Draft and becoming a Pistons fan for Grant Hill and being thrilled that Eric Montross dropped all the way to my Celtics (This is perhaps the moment that my initial interest in the failures of Tall White Lottery Picks began). I remember making my dad tape the 1996 Draft because I had a Little League All-Star game. And because I was too young to remember some of the Drafts, I spent the last week of my post-NBA Finals depression watching Classic Drafts on NBA TV. (I did turn the channel once on Wednesday night to watch Top Chef and Tosh.0. Why is Tosh.0 not more popular? If I got drafted tonight I would trust fall on David Stern. Before even playing an NBA game I would be a part of the #1 draft moment of All-Time). I love college basketball and I am one of the few people left that loves NBA basketball. Once a year they combine in a magical event known as the NBA Draft. So let’s push our deep rooted hatred for Stuart Scott to the side and get started!

Wizards are on the clock and ESPN just showed back to back to back graphics featuring #1 pick Kwame Brown, Gilbert Arenas’ gun charges, and the trades to give up Caron Butler, Antawn Jamison and Brendan Haywood. Wasn’t this supposed to be a positive night for Washington? Why not rub it in even more and add a graphic of the DC Sniper, Marion Berry and footage of Ty throwing Andrew off the balcony on Real World DC?

1. Washington Wizards – John Wall, Kentucky Fr. PG

Obvious choice here and I feel like the Wizards have just got themselves an All-Star point guard in John Wall. He’s an athlete with great speed and he’s intelligent both on and off the court. Plus, he joins Derrick Rose, Allen Iverson, Magic Johnson and Jerry Lucas on a short list of #1 pick point guards. He definitely should have coordinated a John Wall dance (does it have a name yet?) with Stern on the stage. (I feel like Stern would have gone for it, too. The world’s best commish is feeling especially loose tonight, already calling the Knicks fans “unruly” and lifting a hand to the crowd to encourage the chanting. He’s undoubtedly either on a “Lakers-beat-Celtics-in-highest-rated-Finals-since-Jordan-and-Kobe-won-MVP-and-now-LeBron-will-be-the-talk-of-the-Summer” high or he ran in to Richard Dumas before the draft got underway. Either way, I’m loving Stern even more than usual tonight.)

Finally some hope in the DC sports world, as there’s now a handful of potential superstar talent with Wall and the Nats Stephen Strasburg and Bryce Harper. (Meanwhile Dan Snyder is still signing players to the Redskins like he just got done watching a mid-2000 Pro Bowl marathon on ESPN Classic. “You mean we have a chance at getting Donovan McNabb AND Larry Johnson? I just watched them start in Honolulu! Is Muhsin Muhammed available?”)

Time for the interview segment, always one of my favorite parts of the draft, and Wall does not disappoint at all! In talking about Kentucky’s great history he sites Ron Mercer, Jamal Mashburn and Derek Anderson as his sources. (Note: I thought this was going to be a dramatic mistake, like using Gheorghe Muresan, Mitch Richmond and Larry Hughes as examples of the great Washington basketball history, but as it turns out, there really haven’t been any great UK players in the NBA. Sadly enough, Mercer – or Not Tim Duncan, as Celts fans refer to him – Anderson and Monster Mash are pretty high up on the list of Wildcat NBA careers.)

No debate about it, John Wall will have the best NBA career of any player selected tonight and certainly a better career than…

2. Philadelphia 76ers – Evan Turner, Ohio State Jr. SG

I get it. If the 76ers take Derrick Favors they have to overpay Elton Brand to sit on the bench and by taking Evan Turner, the Sixers can ship Andre Iguodala somewhere. Still, I think Favors has the better career in the long run and should have been the pick here. He’s only 18 years old and by the time he’s ready to be an All-Star, no one will be concerned about EB. The pick, though, is Turner and I do believe he’ll have a solid NBA career, as he is a well rounded player and can defend several positions, but his ceiling is much lower than Favors and even Cousins. I fully expect Turner to make All-Rookie Team, but in 3-4 years Favors will be on his way to becoming one of the top Power Forwards in the league.

3. New Jersey Nets – Derrick Favors, Georgia Tech Fr. PF

The Nets may have lost out on the Wall sweepstakes, but they still got the 2nd best player in this draft and put him into a great situation. There are plenty of teams that Favors could have gone to that would have forced him to play center, but with future All-Star Brook Lopez, Derrick can stay at his natural position in New Jersey. Favors and Wall will be the top players from this year’s draft.

Favors sits down for his interview segment and a graphic pops up that reads “Started playing basketball at age of 10 after watching Kobe Bryant.” (Would we see the same graphic if this was a draft for a Prison Basketball League? “Started committing adultery at the age of 19 after watching Kobe Bryant.” – Yup, that was a forced and below the belt shot at Kobe Bryant from a Celtics fan that is still depressed and upset about the NBA Finals. He shot 6-of-24! Can the Jordan discussion be over at least?)

4. Minnesota Timberwolves – Wesley Johnson, Syracuse Jr. SF

Real quick. Wesley Johnson will never be an NBA All-Star. He’ll be 25 when/if Rubio comes over. If you have the 4th pick in the NBA Draft your goal should be to draft a player with All-Star potential and Johnson is not that. I don’t like this pick. Now, on to the important matter at hand:

I was all set to rip Wesley Johnson when he first stood up and I saw the yellow shirt with white collar that looked like a turtleneck, horrible red tie and a blazer that had more buttons on it than something out of Steve Harvey’s closet. And then he got on stage and I saw the pants. He’s dressed like Andre 3000 had a yard sale! Horrible. Congratulations, Wes. When you’re out of the league in 6 years after averaging 7-4, at least this moment will be replayed every season along with Jalen Rose’s red pinstripe suit and Karl Malone’s tie.

5. Sacramento Kings – DeMarcus Cousins, Kentucky Fr. C

So much happening around this 5th pick, I’m really starting to feel the NBA Draft excitement! First off, ESPN just ran a commercial for the night’s big sponsor, EA Sports’ NBA Elite 11. Seriously? EA Sports thinks that by changing the name of NBA Live that everyone is going to forget how horribly the game has sucked and been second best since the NBA 2K franchise began? (That’s like Lindsey Lohan changing her name to Lindsey Smith and expecting everyone to forget what a drunken pirate hooker she is. “Herby Fully Loaded? Drug Rehab? Lesbianism? Horrible parents? No, no, no. That was Lindsey Lohan, I’m Lindsey Smith, you must be mistaken.”)

DeMarcus Cousins gets selected, puts on his Sacremento Kings hat and it matches perfectly with his purple shirt. Rarely does a player outside of the top 3 get to match his suit with his hat, so Cousins is already one up on the competition. (Also, they just showed Cousins stretching out a tape measure as part of his highlight package and Jay Bilas had to think about baseball to keep from screaming out “He’s LONG!”)

Cousins was the biggest question mark heading in to the draft and still remains a big “what if” for the Sacramento Kings. If he gets his head straight, he could be a 20-10 guy and an unstoppable force underneath. If he continues to be immature, he could be starring alongside Dog the Bounty Hunter and the Snapple Lady on VH1’s “Celebrity Fit Club 13” in a few years.

Naturally, John Calipari has to be interviewed and he delivers the best quote of the night up to this point by calling this pick the “greatest moment in Kentucky Basketball history.” Adolph Rupp just pick and rolled over in his grave! The school has won SEVEN National Championships and Calipari just said that the selection of this fat goofball is the greatest moment in Kentucky basketball history! Even more reason that I cannot wait for UK fans to turn on him faster than Diddy turned on Shyne once he continues to turn their program into an EZ Pass lane for the NBA and never delivers a title.

6. Golden State Warriors – Ekpe Udoh, Baylor Jr. PF

To best describe my thoughts on this pick, I feel the need to quote the great Lil’ Jon: “Whhhhoooooooowhat? WHAT??! Whhhhooooowhat?” A team that already pays Brandan Wright and Anthony Randolph has just selected another skinny kid that won’t provide anything on offense and will block a couple shots. I’m lost right now on how Udoh gets in the Top 10 of any draft. If Baylor plays in any other bracket and doesn’t make the Elite 8, this guy is a late first rounder.

In other news, Jay Bilas just used the word “long” to describe Udoh, which puts the count at 4 of the first 6 picks. He said Wall had “long arms”, while Johnson had “super-long arms”, Cousins was “long and incredibly strong” and now we come to “long armed” Udoh. (Do you think during the days leading up to the draft that Bilas just blacks out and uses the word long to answer all his questions? Hey Jay, how about that Isner-Mahut tennis match? “It was long.”… J.B., you ever seen that Pam Anderson and Tommy Lee sex tape? “He’s long.”… Bilas, you excited to work with Stuart Scott? “It’s gonna be a long night.”)

7. Detroit Pistons – Greg Monroe, Georgetown So. PF

At this point, the John Wall ReeZig commercial has led off every break of the draft thus far. I was unaware that Reebok still made things, but I like the cartoon commercial and award bonus points for the Iverson cartoon cameo mid way through the 30-second spot.

Of any players outside of Wall-Favors-Cousins-Turner (in that order) that can make an All-Star team, I feel like Monroe has a chance to sneak in one season. Regardless of if he ever gets to play in the Mid-Season Classic, this is an excellent pick at #7 and Monroe will have a consistently solid career. The guys on ESPN seem to agree, as well. There’s been more talk about Monroe’s passing than Manute Bol’s. (Quick moment of silence for the 7’7” big man. Sorry, no jokes being set up here, Bol was just the man.)

8. Los Angeles Clippers – Al-Farouq Aminu, Wake Forest So. SF

Stern paused as he looked at the name and then realized he hadn’t accidentally grabbed a card from the US Terrorist Watch List pile. That would have been the best part of this selection if Aminu hadn’t stood up wearing Jaleel White’s spectacles. Just because Jay-Z can pull it off doesn’t mean you can, Al.

Glasses aside, I like Aminu’s athleticism and he is now a part of a young and exciting nucleus in Los Angeles along with Blake Griffin and Eric Gordon. (Don’t get too excited Clippers fans… both of you… May I remind you of the young and exciting nucleus of Elton Brand, Lamar Odom, Darius Miles, Corey Maggette and Keyon Dooling? Besides the back-to-back championships they won in Career Mode on my Dreamcast and the Darius Miles swingman Nike jersey I purchased, those Clips accomplished absolutely nothing.)

9. Utah Jazz – Gordon Hayward, Butler So. SF

Loving that the Jazz went back to the musical note logo! They should go one step forward and not allow shorts to reach within 4 inches of the knee cap. Furthermore, Mark Eaton, Jeff Hornacek and John Stockton should all be hired as the halftime trampoline act for all games in the Delta Center Energy Solutions Arena.

The Jazz acquired this pick along with one of three all-time “Tall White Lottery Pick” All-Stars, Tom Gugliotta, so how fitting that they use it to select the first Caucasion of the night. (Unfortunately, Hayward will not count toward future TWLP stats because he’s not a Power Forward or Center. He would, however, have helped defend my thesis since there is not a chance this kid succeeds in the NBA. That’s exactly what you want from your small forward, right? An unathletic kid that can’t shoot 3’s. This future Mormon will average more wives per season in Utah then he does minutes.)

Meanwhile, Larry Bird is going crazy in the Indiana Pacers war room. “Hayward’s gone? What other white people can we get to join Hansbrough, McRoberts, Foster, Dunleavy and Murphy? Who’s his teammate? Can we draft Matt Howard? Is Luke Harangody on the board? What do we do?”

10. Indiana Pacers – Paul George, Fresno State So. SF

Indiana is where solid NCAA players go to be forgotten (Hansbrough, T.J. Ford, Dunleavy, Brandon Rush, Roy Hibbert), so it’s good that no one really knew who George was in the first place. Doesn’t Danny Granger play for the Pacers? You have ONE good player on your team, Indiana. Take any player that doesn’t play his position! I totally blame this pick on a hectic 5 minute scramble that included a 4 minute phone call to Eastbay to cancel an order of 600 Hayward customized jerseys and 60 seconds of rock-paper-scissor.

In a hilarious “We are all thinking it” moment, ESPN cut right to Cole Aldrich as soon as the Paul George interview was over. You could almost hear Bird in the background screaming “Aldrich was available!!??!!” and proceeding to fire every single person in the Pacers draft room.

11. New Orleans Hornets – Cole Aldrich, Kansas Jr. C

And we have the newest member of the Scott Klatzkin Tall White Lottery Pick team. (I feel like Todd Fuller should have handed Cole his hat proceeded by Chris Mihm shaking him by the cheeks and advising “Cherish it. You gotta cherish it,” like Billy Madison coming back to the 5th grade.) Aldrich will join the likes of Joel Pryzbilla, Bryant Reeves, Raef LaFrentz and other TWLP busts, but based on his upbeat interview alone I am bumping up his career stat predictions by 2.3 points and rebounds per game.

12. Memphis Grizzlies – Xavier Henry, Kansas Fr. SG

Tons of impressive moments coming from this Xavier Henry pick to the Memphis Grizzlies. First, Jon Barry didn’t realize his microphone was on and mumbled “Guess Rudy Gay’s not coming back.” As a broadcaster, I absolutely love “I forgot my mic was on” moments. This one certainly doesn’t reach Lee Corso dropping a hard F levels, but at this point in this somewhat boring draft I am easily amused.

Second questionable broadcasting moment of this pick comes when Jay Bilas describes Henry as “somewhat left handed.” What exactly does that mean, Jay? The kid shoots with his left hand. Would you describe Stuart Scott as “somewhat left eyed.” Just because he has another eye ball doesn’t mean that there isn’t a distinct strong eye.

Henry also provided us with the first draft interview tears of the evening. He was able to wipe most of them away, though, as the standard “Your dad played basketball so we need to interview him” segment went down.

Finally, this guy has his name pronounced “Zah-vee-ay.” This bothers me. If you want your son to be called Zavier, name him that. Don’t pick another word that is already established and decide you want it pronounced differently. I’m going to name my son Robert and have it pronounced “Roo-bee-air-tay” and then get pissed when people say it incorrectly. (Ed. Note: I always find myself pronouncing his last name "On-Ree". I mean, if you're going to be a fake frenchman, you may as well go all the way, right?)

13. Toronto Raptors – Ed Davis, North Carolina So. PF

Ed Davis spent the last 13 games of the disastrous UNC season on the bench, watching a coach he dislikes yell at a bunch of players that couldn’t get the job done. He couldn’t wait to declare for the draft and now his day finally comes and he has to go to Canada. I actually feel bad for the guy (A very seldom Duke fan feeling for UNC guy moment. I actually like Ed Davis, because he ruined UNC’s chances of making a run at the ACC title in 2011 by entering the draft.) At this point in the draft, you’re looking for complimentary players and Davis will be a good guy to come off the bench and grab some boards.

Stuart Scott just said that “Ed Davis became a superstar on the 2009 UNC Championship Team.” Really, Stu? And Rob thinks I’m a Duke homer?!? Stuart just called a guy that averaged 6.7 points and less than 20 minutes a superstar.

14. Houston Rockets – Patrick Patterson, Kentucky Jr. PF

I really like this pick. Patterson is mature, and a guy that will have a solid career as a come off the bench and grab some rebounds type of guy. How did ESPN drop the ball on another Calipari interview? Or was he already back in Kentucky burning the 1951 Championship Banner? “Won’t be needing this anymore, we just got 3 players picked in the Top 14! Greatest day in Kentucky history!”

With Patterson going up on stage that gives Luke Babbitt the 12th Annual Rashard Lewis Award for staying in the Green Room the longest. Not a trophy anyone wants to take home.

Meanwhile, Stu is starting to lose it. He follows up his Ed Davis superstar comment with this following unprovoked exchange:

Mark Jones: “Stu, this guy only has 5.6% body fat”

Stuart Scott: “Well, Mark he sure is unlike us. He’s a big soccer fan and he hated the fact that Landon Donovan scored a goal for the win the other day because he can’t stand this country. Patrick roots for Spain in the World Cup. Not the USA! How about that, Jeff, this guy hates America…”

Jeff Van Gundy: “(long pause, beginning to realize he takes Mark Jackson for granted)”

15. Milwaukee Bucks – Larry Sanders, Virginia Commonwealth Jr. C

Bilas just described Sanders as a “great kid” with “lots of potential” (totally dropping the ball by not describing him as long, the guy has a 7’5” wingspan. C’mon Jay, pay attention, we aren’t even out of the lottery yet!). Anytime your top two descriptions have nothing to do with anything accomplished on the court, you aren’t worthy of being a lottery pick. This is like being set up late night at a bar with a girl that is “smart” and “has a great personality.” Sure, those are both great attributes, but at this point they sure as hell better come after she’s described as “sooo hot” and “she’s wassssted, dude.”

The Bucks were being set up and took the chick with the good personality. Look at your other options, Milwaukee, it’s not even last call yet! You’ve got the slutty chick that scores a lot (James Anderson, 22.3 ppg), the MILF (Damion James, a Senior), the foreign chick that doesn’t speak too much English (Kevin Seraphin, France) or even the fat chick that will try harder (Dexter Pittman, 303 lbs). Even if you told me that one of the chicks came at a high risk (Daniel Orton) of catching something, I’m double wrapping, bringing aluminum foil, cellophane wrap and a lamination machine and picking her before I go on a date with Ms. Personality. Milwaukee, you didn’t just let your team down, you let mankind down.

16. Minnesota Timberwolves – Luke Babbit, Nevada Jr. SF

Lottery is over, so the draft becomes more of a battle to watch and enjoy at this point. I’m also currently in “I’ve been sitting in front of the computer for a long time” mode and trying to fight all my urges to see if any repeats of “The Office” are on TBS.

Rashard Lewis should be at every draft from here until eternity and the last guy invited to the draft that comes up on stage should shake his hand instead of Sterns. Since Rashard is still in Orlando looking for his jump shot (“I know I put it somewhere. What did I do with it after the Finals last season? Shit, Hedo must have borrowed it and took it to Toronto! Dammmit, I knew I was missing something this year!”) This was not a possibility this season.

17. Chicago Bulls – Kevin Seraphin, France PF

Another Stuart Scott highlight. As he was listening to the producer in his ear and not anything Jeff Van Gundy was saying. Jeff finished his analysis off with “…the Chicago Bulls could play for it all” and then Stu picked up and said “…the Bulls playing for it all. Remember, Jordan won 6 championships. Here’s David Stern.” Here’s a little broadcasting secret. Anytime an announcer starts their sentence by repeating the last thing their broadcast partner said, they were staring at a cheerleader for the past 2 minutes and didn’t hear a word. (My freshman year of college, I worked with a broadcaster that would zone out like that. I would say things like “So, Brendan, our point guard is probably going to be really tired since he was banging your mother all of last night. Also, one of the keys would be for Brendan not to pee his pants, since he’s a bed wetter. But it looks like it’s going to come down to who can defend the 3.” He would chime back in with, “exactly right, Scott, defending the 3.”)

18. Oklahoma City Thunder – Eric Bledsoe, Kentucky Fr. PG

Cut to Calipari live via satellite pissing on a Dan Issel jersey and proclaiming himself at President of Kentucky.

19. Boston Celtics – Avery Bradley, Texas Fr. PG
20. San Antonio Spurs – James Anderson, Oklahoma State Jr. SG
21. Oklahoma City Thunder – Craig Brackins, Iowa State Jr. PF
22. Portland TrailBlazers – Elliot Williams, Memphis So. SG

It was announced on the air that Portland GM Kevin Pritchard was fired but told that he still had to conduct the draft. If I’m Kevin Pritchard, the 22nd pick would have gone a little like this.

David Stern: “With the 22nd pick, the Portland Trailblazers select Deez Nuts, Go Fuck Yourself University”

23. Minnesota Timberwolves - Trevor Booker, Clemson Sr. PF

Our first Senior! Up to this point the NBA Draft had been one long Anti-Stay in School campaign. I’ve seen more educated people on E! reality shows. So thank you Trevor for being drafted way higher than you should have been.

24. Atlanta Hawks – Damion James, Texas Sr. SF
25. Memphis Grizzlies – Dominique Jones, South Florida Jr. SG

Is Jeff Van Gundy on some type of tape delay? He’s answering questions like he’s reporting the news on location. He waits about 3-4 seconds before going in to his response. Maybe he is trying to figure out exactly who Stuart Scott is talking to. (“He’s looking at Jay, but I think he said Jeff. But he’s definitely not looking at me. Shit, I’m just gonna start talking.”) I’ve noticed this several times already but it’s starting to become a trend.

26. Oklahoma City Thunder – Quincy Pondexter, Washington Sr. SF
27. New Jersey Nets – Jordan Crawford, Xavier So. SG

I’ve never wanted LeBron James to go to the New Jersey Nets more than I do right now. Can you imagine the rookie hazing LBJ would impose upon the guy that barely dunked on him and caused a national stir? The King would go Diddy Making the Band on the rookie and make him walk from the Prudential Center to the new Barclays Arena in Brooklyn to get him a sugar cookie (Sugar Cookie? I am no sugar cookie getter! Who are the 5 best rookies in the League? Jordan. Jordan. Jordan, Jordan and Jordan!)

Damn, Andy Katz just made my penis soft by telling us that this pick will be traded to the Hawks. The idea was fun while it lasted, though. I would have paid good money to watch Bron Bron go at Crawford in practice.

By the way, how do you pronounce his college? Xavier Henry has me so confused.

28. Memphis Grizzlies - Greivis Vasquez, Maryland Sr. PG

I hate this pick. It’s all that remains from the R. Kelly style molestation that got the Lakers Pau Gasol and 2 NBA Championships in exchange for Javaris Crittenon, 45 bucks in Disney Dollars, Kwame Brown, a DVD of “Eddie” starring Whoopi Goldberg, and this pick. This pick represents the child-like yelling, screaming, superstition and depression that I have gone through over the past 3 weeks thanks to the Lakers beating the Celtics.

I already hate this draft spot and now out of absolutely nowhere Jon Barry says “how about Greivis Vasquez at this pick?” and my ears perk up. Back in February I made a 20 dollar bet with my friend Donnie that Vasquez wouldn’t be selected in the first round of the NBA Draft. Anyone that knows me, knows that I am against gambling and I don’t make bets unless I am at the very least 90% sure I will be the winner. I was 99% sure of this one. Then Barry opens his mouth and not only do the Griz pick Vasquez here, but the bratty point guard magically appears in the stands. Jon Barry owes me $20.

Vasquez then proceeded to bear hug David Stern and refers to Xavier Henry in his interview as “the guy that just got drafted.” Well, Greivis, in a few years Xavier is going to be referring to you as “the guy I just gave $2 to for a bag of Doritos, a Taco and Pepsi.”

29. Orlando Magic – Daniel Orton, Kentucky Fr. C

Cut to Calipari standing at the bow of a ship sailing down the Mississippi River and yelling “I’m KING OF THE WORLD!!” while throwing Kentucky history books in the water and defecating on a picture of Tubby Smith.

30. Washington Wizards – Lazar Hayward, Marquette Sr. SF

The first round is officially over and I am in full flipping channels and browsing Facebook mode. At this point the draft can be summed up perfectly by my friend Mark’s status: “No softball… The nba draft should be called, who gives a shit…ps stuart scott kill urself”

Not going to begin to analyze all the 2nd Round picks, but here are my highlights:

• Those in attendance that have stayed to watch the draft are becoming more vocal and cheers are becoming louder. My favorite cheers of the 2nd Round were “Sexy-Sil-ver”, “Tiny-Gall-on” and of course “Jeff-Van-Gundy.”

• Hassan Whiteside fell harder than Gary Coleman and ended up in Sacramento at the 33 spot. I saw him ranked as high as Top 5 in the 2011 Draft at one point during the season, so the Kings have a duo of young guys that could easily be busts, but if these kids figure it out then Sac Town may have gotten the steal of both the first and second rounds.

• It’s announced that the Wizards are making the 35th pick for Minnesota. How does that work? This happens all the time and the announcers never really explain the concept and how it works. Why doesn’t a team just pick a shitty player? (You sure you want Samardo Samuels? “Sure, we’re picking for Minnesota, I don’t care.”)

• Rachael Nichols finally gets on television for her interview with Mike D’Antoni. Is it just me or does Nichols always have an “I just H.J.’ed the head exec at ESPN” type smile on her face whenever she gets on camera. She said to D’Antoni “you’ve gone all in to the free agent market, if that’s the case, how’s your hand?” and I swear D’Antoni almost fired back “how’s YOUR hand, Rachael? Was that “The Stranger” technique?”

You’ve also got to think Nichols sat at home with a pint of ice cream and yelled obscenities at the TV when “Dancing with the Stars” came on. 10:1 odds she drilled that hole in Erin Andrews’ hotel wall and if she is ever in the same place as Andrews, she would Tonya Harding the shit out of Erin’s leg. These are the thoughts that run through a person’s mind after 3 hours of NBA Draft coverage. I can’t imagine what Stuart Scott could be thinking – or looking at.

• The Celtics chose Luke Harangody! So glad I kept watching! I am buying a Scalabrine home jersey and Harangody away jersey for the 2010-11 season. No team will have better High-Fives given out next season than the Boston Celtics. And to have a bench mentor like Brian Scalabrine to teach Luke how to pass water, how to keep KG’s seat warm and how to keep the guys loose during warm-ups, it will be big for Harangody’s career. I can’t think of a better situation for the guy.

• Stuart Scott just informed us that Willie Warren is scared of spiders. He then looked right in the camera (or as close as he could get), shrugged his shoulders and waved his arms as if to say “I don’t know what the hell I’m saying at the point. I blacked out after Gani Lawal.” If Donnie was answering his texts I would have gone double or nothing that Scott is 5 minutes away from just screaming “Booooyeah!” at Jon Barry.

• Someone yelled “Scheyer!” before the final pick was made. That made my night!

So that will do it for NBA Draft 2011. I must say it was pretty darn boring. Not a whole bunch of exciting trades, not too much controversy and not a whole lot of All-Stars. Still, it provides us all with one last connection into the world of college basketball until Midnight Madness. It’s been fun, but I’ll wrap it up before Stuart Scott tells me another fun fact about a long armed player I’ve never heard of.

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